"We have to wake him up." Kim said, looking at Sandburg with worry. Without commenting Chakotay did so, using the hypospray to bring him around. With only a quick gasp at the pain, the smaller man roused and took in the situation.

"Get me - ungh - closer." struggling, he tried to shift himself into Ellison's lap using only his arms. Quickly the first officer helped him, worrying somewhat about the Sentinel's reaction to this invasion of personal space when he woke.

"He better not hit me this time." Sandburg mumbled, proving to the other two that he was thinking similar thoughts. Then his voice dropped to that calm, soothing, intimate tone that never failed to startle the Commander, coming as it did from the dynamic ensign.

It took far longer than expected this time. Although Ellison breathed steadily, awareness did not return to his staring eyes for almost thirty long painful minutes, as Sandburg became paler and his face clenched tighter and his fingers began digging into Ellison's arm, which was protected by his uniform. When it seemed in danger of tearing Harry gently pried the hand away and held it tightly in his own.

"Yes, that's it, getting closer now, always closer. Hear my voice, Ellison, let me guide you back to the real world, we need you here, you need to be here..." through it all the litany of reassurance never faltered, even when sweat began to bead on the creased forehead and roll down cheeks white with agony.

"Time to come back now, you've been gone long enough, man. Its safe here, there's no reason to stay away..."

"Get off." the words were grunted even before the sparkle returned to the pale blue eyes. They flickered, blinked, and then opened again.

Large hands came up slowly, to shove Sandburg?

"Lieutenant." Chakotay snarled a warning. "He's wounded."

"That's no excuse to molest me, sir." Ellison said between clenched teeth. But Sandburg was already struggling to move away. Giving Ellison a hard, angry glance, Kim stood and lifted him awkwardly. Sandburg wasn't much smaller than the Ops man, although he was thinner.

"Have you got him?" Chak asked, helping Ellison to his unsteady feet.

"For the moment." Kim nodded. "I'll give him to you when I'm tired."

Sandburg just grit his teeth and hung on, not shy about it. His arms went around Harry's neck and he rested his grimacing face against the other ensign's chest, eyes twisted shut.

"We can put you out again." the first officer held up the hypo, but Sandburg shook his head.

"I'm okay." he sounded anything but. Chakotay ignored him and dialed a setting, then pressed it to his exposed neck.

"Commander, n-!" the protest was cut off before it really had a chance to be shouted.

"Let's see what we can find." Chakotay told the other two men. "And get off this ship."

An hour later they were walking down yet another blank featureless hall when Ellison stopped cold.

"I hear something." he said.

They cocked their heads and listened.

"I don't." Kim responded.

"Heartbeats. Lots of them, too many to count. Six-chambered rhythm."

Looking at him doubtfully, they nevertheless let the security officer lead down another string of interconnected hallways.

"Here. Lots of heartbeats, machine sounds." Ellison stopped before a large segmented door. Harry ran his tricorder over it but didn't pick up anything, shaking his head at the first officer.

"They're back there." Ellison insisted.

"lots of them." the raspy whisper startled them all. Sandburg's blue eyes opened and stared up at Chakotay, whose face betrayed his surprise.

"You should be down for another six hours, ensign!"

"Tried to tell you..." the mumble was slurred. "Can't take more than one dose...messes with my shields...gotta wake up now."

Looking at the broken legs, balanced carefully over his right arm, Chakotay shook his head. They had nothing to use as a splint and the swelling was increasing despite the advanced anti- inflammatory drug he'd given him.

"If I bring you out you'll be in far too much pain."

"Better pain than madness!" twisting slightly in his arms, Sandburg stared at Harry, his young face contorted in a grimace. "My shields are gone...wake me up!" he was begging now, his voice breaking on the words.

"How about a half dose?" Harry asked quickly. "Enough to take the edge off but not put you under?"

The wounded ensign just nodded. Sweat was beading on his forehead and rolling down his face although the interior of this ship was relatively cool by human standards, a steady 55 degrees Fahrenheit.

"Here, take him for a minute." Chakotay told Ellison, his tone making it clear he would take no argument. The Sentinel held out his arms and allowed his roommate to be settled into them as comfortably as possible.

Sandburg screwed his eyes shut and began singing, harshly, just under his breath.

"Jeremiah was a bullfrog...was a g-great friend of mine. Never understood..." he panted painfully.

"What the hell is that?" Ellison asked sharply, but Sandburg ignored him. At last Chak got the hypospray adjusted to the exact setting he wanted and delivered the medication to the tender skin of his neck.

"A song. It-its distracting." the kid grunted as he regained complete awareness and the pain returned. "Oh, man."

"Need more?" Chak asked, concerned.

"No thank you." his eyes dilated now with the effort to withstand the terrible pain, the younger man glared at him. "next time someone says no, you might consider that they have a reason to. Its gonna take me days to rebuild after this."

"You're right. I'm sorry." the first officer said the words with some humility, causing both of the other men to stare at him with wonder. "I can admit when I've made a mistake." he said defensively.

"Are you picking up anything from behind the door?" ensign Kim asked, running his tricorder over it again.

"More than I want to. Most of it dreamtime, but some of them are bordering on consciousness." Sandburg glanced from Kim to Ellison's face. The man holding him just stared straight ahead, jaw tight. "Um, could one of you carry me, please? Or he could just set me on the floor while you investigate."

"Is there a problem, Lt.Ellison?" Chakotay asked sharply, but Sandburg answered before the other man had a chance to.

"He can't help it, sir. Its old programming, and I'm too open now to deal with it."

Ellison was still staring stolidly at the door.

"I'll carry you." Chak said, but Sandburg shook his head, reaching a hand out to Harry.

"Would you mind...just for a bit?"

"Of course not." handing the tricorder to the first officer, Harry Kim accepted the burden from Ellison, who handed it over with the appropriate amount of care. Safely in Harry's arms, Sandburg sighed deeply and his body relaxed somewhat.

"That's better." he rested his head on Harry's chest again and closed his eyes, arms curled close to his body. "Thank you."

"My pleasure." Kim answered with a quiet smile.

"Let's get this door open and see what we're dealing with." Chakotay said.

Ellison got the door open just as he had the other one, without Sandburg's help this time. The ensign was still in Harry's arms, eyes closed, but seemed to be drifting in and out of consciousness. He mumbled softly to himself once in a while.

Behind the door was a huge cargo bay, filled with stacks of hydrosleep containers. In each was a bulbous figure floating in some sort of nutrient solution. There were different sizes, all of them pear-shaped, with no appendages that could be identified as hands or feet, all slightly orange in color, as far as they could tell through the greyish liquid.

In an effort to learn faster Chakotay split them up, leaving Harry near the door holding Sandburg, he and Ellison going off in different directions. Their com badges worked between them, so they weren't isolated, although they still couldn't contact the ship.

"Sorry 'bout this." Sandburg mumbled as Harry shifted his weight again, trying to ease tiring muscles.

"I don't mind." the other ensign said cheerfully. "I understand why you didn't want Ellison touching you, but why not Chakotay?"

"No shields...he's too, too upset. Too worried, too busy feeling guilty."

"You said touch strengthens a contact." Harry said after he thought about that for a minute. "Just skin-to-skin, or proximity?"

"The closer I am, the stronger it feels...skin is always strongest, 'though." the last words were slurred again. "You feel good."

"Because of Tom?"

"'Cause of you." Sandburg attempted a shrug, and it was followed by a wince.

"Are you still getting stuff off the aliens?"

"Ellison to Commander Chakotay." their com badges crackled simultaneously and the question was abandoned.

"Go ahead."

"I've found something, sir. It looks like hieroglyphics."

"Where are you?"

As Ellison gave directions Harry pushed himself off the wall he'd been leaning on and carefully made his way to the far right side of the bay. Halfway there they met Chak, who checked Sandburg's vital signs with a worried frown, and then they joined Ellison.

They were hieroglyph, or whatever the aliens used for writing. Chak ran the tricorder over them and put them through the universal translator program.

"There are some universal givens in there." he said, pleased. "They meant for this to be read by others."

"What does it say?" showing more normal curiosity, Ellison looked over Chakotay's shoulder.

"It's a history, of sorts..." Chak paused and read through it again. "As far as I can tell -- it will take weeks to decode the entire thing -- this is the way their ship works. It captures a passing ship and drains energy from it to power their engines and then lets it go."

"Energy highjackers." Kim said angrily.

"It's supposed to turn off on its own, but it doesn't seem to be working this time."

"So they just expect the ships they ambush to go along their merry way after they've attacked them?" Ellison sounded outraged.

"I have always relied on the kindness of strangers."

They all stared at Sandburg, who was still curled tightly in Harry's arms, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"What?" Chak asked.

"That's the way they see it...not as stealing, but more like they hope that once another ship understand the situation they won't attack them."

"What do you know of the situation?"

"Not so much..." a wince and a soft moan escaped the clenched teeth. "They were destroyed, by the Borg, I think. They don't have warp drive, this is a generation ship. There is a planet, a destination, but there wasn't enough left of on their home planet to power it that far. This is all that's left of them..."

A trickle of blood ran down his chin as he bit deeply into his lip. Chakotay stared and then turned to Ellison resolutely.

"Let's find this device and get it turned off now. Voyager may still have a chance."

Harry rested on the cold floor with an increasingly agitated Sandburg in his lap.

"Hurts." he hissed more than once. Harry petted his hair and soothed him as best he could.

"I know. Not much longer."

"Wish you had - your clarinet."

"You were there at the last recital, weren't you." Harry remembered. "Do you play an instrument?"

"Electric guitar." the words ground out.

Harry Kim laughed quietly. It seemed appropriate that this enigmatic young man would play such an archaic instrument.

"You'll have to play with me sometime."

"No duets written for clarinet and guitar, man." Sandburg grimaced a smile.

"We'll adapt something."

They waited another hour while the first officer and the security officer found the machine. It was malfunctioning, but they got it turned off.

"Voyager should be able to power back up now." Chakotay said, coming back to them. "Now we just have to wait until she can contact us."

"He's getting worse." Kim nodded at Sandburg, who had slipped farther into delirium.

"Let me take him for a while."

Both men stared at Ellison, who was looking down at them, an unreadable expression on his face.

"His shields should be up again, he's not deeply drugged."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Harry said. "I don't mind holding him."

"You're cold and your muscles are cramping." the Sentinel said flatly.

"How do yo know that?"

"I can track the blood flow in your body."

"I didn't realize you could do anything like that." Chakotay objected.

"Neither did I, until I did it." Ellison shrugged slightly. "I owe him. I'm bigger than you and generating more warmth. Let me take him."

Looking to the first officer for instruction, Harry reluctantly let Ellison take the smaller man from his arms when Chakotay nodded. Then he stood, wincing as cramped muscles stretched and moved around gratefully to ease them.

Sandburg was still restless, making small meaningless noises, but he didn't seem disturbed by the transfer to his roommate's arms.

Kim and Chakotay spent the waiting time going over the writings and further translating them.

"Janeway to away team. Chakotay, are you there?"

Jumping to his feet as if his captain had materialized in front of him, Chak came to attention.

"We're here, captain. Ensign Sandburg is badly injured and we'd like to get back as soon as possible. How is the ship?"

"Whatever you did, it worked. We were reduced to emergency power for several hours and down to basic life support, but everything is back up now. Be'Llana says she'll have you back over here in minutes."

"Have the doctor standing by in sickbay."

"Understood. Good work, commander."

"How is he?" Chakotay and Janeway entered sickbay some time later. They had stopped for a quick briefing and the first officer had explained the situation to the captain. She had decided to send an engineering crew headed by the chief Engineer, back to the ship to discover the problem with their energy- draining machine and fix it so this didn't happen to anyone else.

"It's fairly innocuous when it works." Chakotay had assured her. "The malfunction is what caused it to continue draining Voyager until we were dead in the water."

"I feel like waking them all up and giving them a piece of my mind." the captain snarled.

"No warp capacity. The Prime directive applies here." he reminded her gently.

"I know that." she snapped, and then smiled. "Alls well that ends well, though."

"For everyone but Ensign Sandburg." Chak had replied ruefully.

"Ensign Sandburg suffered compound fractures of both tibia, complicated by the length of time it took him to reach treatment." the doctor greeted them. "He is now resting comfortably and I plan to keep him sedated for the next twenty- four hours, and then release him to his quarters assigned to light duty only for a week. I don't foresee any permanent damage."

"Very good." Janeway nodded, but Chakotay couldn't keep quiet.

"Sedated?! He said that couldn't be done, refused to let me give him anything. Became angry with me for it, said it prevented him from employing his empathic shields."

"That's because you didn't treat him with a neural blocking agent first, Commander." the doctor was smirking. There was no other word for it. "It prevents his body from utilizing his empathic abilities until after the sedative wears off."

"You didn't tell me about this." Janeway faced her fist officer with concern, and he explained.

"It is in his medical file, Commander." the doctor said when Chakotay finished. "But there was no reason for you to know about it."

"I should have done more research." obviously determined to blame himself, he shook off Janeway's comforting hand. "I have a report to write. Will you contact me when he wakes up?"

"Certainly, commander."

Janeway stayed to speak with the doctor for a moment. He recommended that lt.Ellison be required to stay in sickbay with Ensign Sandburg, a recommendation Ellison objected to, but he shut up with one glare from his captain.

Leaving sickbay, Janeway pondered the myriad twistings of life aboard her ship.

The doorchime chirped and Ensign Blair Sandburg, stretched out on couch in the quarters he shared with lt. Ellison, tossed down the padd he was restlessly studying and called out "Come!" with his usual enthusiasm.

The door slid back to reveal Ensigns Marcel and Kim, both carrying small cases.

"Oh, wow, I am so bored!" Sandburg struggled to sit and Marcel hurried to his side to help. When the Auterian would have moved to the chair Sandburg grinned at herm and tugged on a six- fingered hand, holding it while the purple-skinned ensign grinned back and settled instead on the couch, lifting Sandburg's head into his lap.

"I'm wounded, I need to be coddled." the words were spoken with cheerful insistence.

"I can see that." Marcel began untying the clubbed braid of hair. "You haven't been able to wash this, have you?"

"You coddle him and I'll entertain him." Harry said. As he pulled his clarinet out of the case and wiped it down he glanced around. "Where's Ellison?"

"Taking a shift in the brig with Tuvok, checking the security systems. I'm on my own."

"Thank the Goddess." Marcel laughed, quick clever hands running through the freed mass of hair, trailing it over his legs and then rubbing gently at the scalp beneath it.

"That feels great." laying his head back, a small smile on his full lips, Sandburg relaxed and let his friends ease him.

When Ellison came back several hours later they were still there. Sandburg was sleeping on his stomach, face nuzzled into Marcel's slender stomach, one hand insinuated between the Auterian legs. The two ensigns were playing duet, Harry's soothing clarinet providing the harmony for a bright chittering tune played with great dexterity on Marcel's hundred-stringed Auterian lapharp.

"He's asleep, you can leave now." the lt said after watching them for a few minutes.

"Ellison." rousing from his nap, Sandburg blinked at him blearily. Marcel put a protective arm around his shoulders as he half-sat.

"Tom will be off-shift in sickbay soon." Harry said, disassembling his instrument and putting it away. "I'd better go meet him for dinner."

"Thanks for coming, Harry." Sandburg said, Ellison watching with narrowed eyes. "You don't have anywhere to go, do you, Marcel?"

"I'm on a two-day free rotation, courtesy of Commander Chakotay." Marcel answered. "He thought you could use some company."

"That was nice of him." Sandburg struggled to sit higher and wound up with his back settled firmly against Marcel's chest, the long, slender arms wrapped almost all the way around him. "You can stay the night."

Ellison's face tightened. With the muscle in his jaw twitching frantically he stomped past them and into his bedroom. Harry stared after him and shook his head.

"Hey. They're my quarters too." Sandburg shrugged. "Besides, I desperately need a shower and I can't do that alone. Don't trust my balance yet." he finished to the Auterian.

"I would love to help you." Marcel said sincerely.

"Have fun, you two." Kim said, grinning.

"I don't think he's up to much, but I'll find out." the Auterian teased. Sandburg groaned quietly and then, as the door slid shut behind Harry, turned in the long arms and nuzzled beneath Marcel's tufted ear, seeking the soft brush of purple hair that grew along the top of his shoulders. He'd learned on previous dates that this was a potent erogenous zone for the Auterian, who now made the clicking noise his race used to indicate pleasure and then pulled Sandburg's head away, baring his teeth slightly. "Starting something you can't finish, Lair?" his accent eradicated the 'B' in his name.

"Won't be the first time." Sandburg grinned, the hand between Marcel's legs moving up slightly to stroke over the pronounced pubic bone that sheltered herm assorted genitals.

They had seen each other every week since that first date two months ago. Going slowly, both well-aware of the potential for disaster that came with inter-species relationships. But each had found the other to be interesting and, if Blair's erection and Marcel's flushed color were any indication, desirable. Normally a soft, diffuse lavender, the Auterian's skin was now deep, rich plum, darker than Blair had ever seen him.

"So that's the color you meant." he commented, gazing up at herm with wide blue eyes. "That's beautiful, Marcel. Does it happen all over?"

"Let's get in the shower and you can find out." carefully helping him off the couch, the taller being offered an arm that Blair gratefully leaned on. Although he was technically healed, serious bone damage required more than just the 'knitter. There was a deep ache as the repaired cells put things back into order, an ache that the doctor said would last a week or two.

"Are you sure?" knowing that nudity was private for Auterians, Blair knew that this was an invitation to sex, not just a shower.

"I want to get a good look at a human." Marcel grinned, his pointed teeth glowing faintly white, and brushed Blair's hair back from his face.

"That's good, because I'm dying to see a particular Auterian." Blair caught the hand and tongued the palm delicately. Then he followed Marcel into the bathroom he shared with Ellison.

Taller and much thinner, Marcel had narrow shoulders and hips and disporportionately long arms and legs and fingers and toes. These later had proven to be prehensile, he'd demonstrated for Blair his ability to type with either of them, almost as well as he did with his hands.

Now, as he undressed before the human he was going to take as his lover, Blair saw that the plum-colored flush did indeed cover his entire body. It concentrated especially thickly around and over the pubic mound, almost black there.

"This is the result of protective camouflage in your ancestors, right?" having read all the available books on Auterian culture, including the ones on inter-personal relationships, Blair knew it was okay, even encouraged, to be bold. So he balanced himself, leaning against the wall, and reached over to press his hand firmly to the darkly-flushed patch

of skin, drawn tight over the bone. Unlike humans, Auterians didn't have pubic hair as such. The skin was warm and soft beneath his hand.

Marcel made a long clicking sound and tilted his pelvis, increasing the pressure, one thin hand reaching for Blair's erect cock as the human ensign moved carefully closer.

One thing Auterians didn't do was kiss. It was a deeply ingrained social taboo, the result of several plagues that had nearly decimated their population in pre space-flight times. Although they were now a highly technological, creative and progressive race, this one taboo had somehow managed to hang on.

As he closed his eyes and wrapped a strong arm around the thin waist, Blair thought that he would miss that.

In the other room Ellison lay awake and unhappy. He was fighting to turn down his hearing, using the dials all Sentinels were taught as children, but it wasn't working. Whether that was a result of his unbonded state or his increasing anger over the circumstances he found himself in didn't matter.

All that mattered was that he couldn't not hear what his roommate-slash-babysitter was doing in the bedroom on the other side of the living room.

"Do you want top or bottom?" the term was archaic but still frequently used among humans and Blair grinned widely when he saw Marcel's dark eyes widen with understanding. They tumbled into his single bed, Blair hastily yanking down the covers to get to the coolness of the sheets, and rolled with abandon for several minutes, rubbing their bodies together, before Blair had another question that needed to be answered before they went further. "You choose, right? You can be either or but not both?" Desire had reduced his speech to something short and jerky, reminiscent of Marcel's clicking.

"My choice, yes." Marcel agreed, hands holding Blair's shoulders tightly as the smaller human rose on his knees over him. "Bottom -- nurturer?"

"The bottom is usually the feminine, or submissive position, yes." Blair panted. "I don't always see it that way --"

"You top." spreading his legs wide, Marcel pulled Blair to him. "I like -- both. But you are male."

"I like both, too." Blair answered, lowering his body between the spread legs, unsure if he would be able to find the genital slit he sought. To distract Marcel from his gentle search with his hands, he bit gently at the shoulder and gnawed at the base of the decorative hair. A stream of sounds erupted from his partner and then Marcel's hands were with his, showing him where to go and guiding him there.

Blair paused as Marcel winced. There was plenty of lubrication, but herm was very, very tight. He waited patiently for the Auterian to adjust to him.

"I'm bigger around than one of you starting out." he held himself up with one arm and used the other to pet through the stiff brush of purple hair that ran in a crest over Marcel's head. It met up with the shoulder-ruff right between his shoulderblades. "Will it be okay?"

"Yes." Marcel answered and then clicked reassurance. "Just - a few minutes."

Getting out of bed, Ellison left his quarters as quietly as possible, not wanting a confrontation with his keeper.

He would find someplace else to sleep tonight. Someplace where something disgusting wasn't happening in the next room.

"Gods, you are so warm." pressing himself tightly to Marcel's body, Blair kissed his cheek once, merely a warm press of lips. The thin arms tightened around him and the Auterian smiled down at him.

"I have never tried a kiss." he said thoughtfully. "But perhaps I might, if you promise not to tell anyone."

"Do you think you'd like it?" pleasantly exhausted, Blair blinked up at him lazily. After a few false starts the sex had been exciting enough, although he'd found, to his disappointment, that Marcel couldn't orgasm in a traditional sense. Auterians definitely enjoyed recreational sex, but apparently only got the full benefit of it when they were fertile, which herm wouldn't be for another few months, only coming into season about twice a standard year.

"I think I'd like to try."

Tilting his head, Blair parted his lips slightly, waiting for Marcel to make the first move. Awkwardly the Auterian lowered his head until his lips brushed Blair's, his higher body temperature making them very warm. He held the position for a few seconds and then pulled back.

"What do you think?" Blair asked, watching the long pale lavender tongue flicker out and touch itself to darker red lips.

"Interesting. I'm not sure it's something I'll want to repeat."

"That's okay." Blair snuggled closer again, closing his eyes. "There're lots of other things we can do."

Their progress through Kazon space was almost complete. The crew grew more cheerful as the possibility of safety became more of a reality every day. The general air of anticipation even affected Ellison, who was becoming quieter, and seemed more accepting of the situation. After some gentle teasing from Blair he even accepted a date with one of the Delaney sisters and came back in a good mood after dinner and dancing on the holodeck led to serious necking.

Coming into their cabin late, he stopped short, stunned at what he was seeing. The lights were off, but he could see as well as if it were full daylight.

Naked, practically glowing with heat, Blair and Marcel were twined together on the couch. Blair was on his stomach beneath the Auterian and they were attempting intercourse, with Marcel on top for the first time. They had been working up to this, because the differences between Auterian and Human anatomy made it a chancy undertaking. The Auterian penis was much, much longer than a human one, and topped with a thick head that expanded within the sheath to anchor it there. Orgasm was achieved not through thrusting, but muscular contractions by both parties, especially the receiving one.

Caught up in the emotion of the moment of penetration, both of the ensigns missed his entrance.

"Too long?" Marcel clicked with worry. "Too much?"

"Longer than I'm used to." Blair agreed, gasping, face turned to the side, cheek pressed to a forearm as he rested his weight on his crossed arms. His knees were pulled up beneath him, forcing his ass back to meet Marcel, who was snugged as tight as he could get, using the back of the sofa for leverage with one hand while the other petted Blair's back and butt. "Not too much....just give me some time and don't go all the way in..."

His hair was unbound and covered his back and shoulders, tangling with Marcel's thin legs. His hands gripped the fabric of the couch tightly.

"Kiss or bite?" The Auterian asked, nuzzling between Blair's shoulders.

"Bite, man. Definitely bite. Oh!" gasping with pleasure when his partner responded to the request, Blair writhed and pushed back on the long, thin penis that impaled him, drawing a stream of clicks from Marcel. "Oh, man. I can feel it growing --!"

"Tight!" Marcel gasped out. "Do you - can you -?"

"I know what to do..." Blair panted. He'd studied the procedure, thought he was prepared to give his lover satisfaction... working the muscles of his ass around the intruder, he was rewarded with a series of harsh clicks from Marcel, who responded with movements of the head itself, buried as deeply as it could be within Blair's body.

"Man, that feels so good." Blair grunted and did it again.

"Get the hell out of my quarters!" with a lunge and a roar Ellison grabbed the fragile-looking Auterian by the shoulders and tore him from Blair's body, throwing him toward the door.

Marcel made a loud sound of distress and lay on the floor. Leaping from the couch, Blair rushed past Ellison and gathered his lover into his arms.

"What are you doing?!" he wailed, too shocked to be angry yet.

"If you want to do disgusting, filthy things with your body, then you're going to do them someplace else!"

"Fuck you, Ellison!" rising to his feet, pulling Marcel with him, Blair pulled the other being into his bedroom with him. Settling Marcel on the bed, covering him, he hit the com and shouted into it.

"Security to section seven, room eight-fifty-two! There's been an assault! I need security to section seven, room eight- fifty-two!"

"Are there any injuries, ensign?" although it was well into the ship's night Tuvok sounded wide-awake.

"I don't know yet, sir, I haven't had a chance to look. Could the doctor come too, please?"

"Sandburg!" the captain's voice cracked as Tuvok cut off. "Are you hurt? Where's Ellison?"

"I don't know and I don't care, captain." he answered with as much respect as he could muster. "I'm fine, it's Marcel. Ellison attacked herm."

"I'll be right there."

He turned to Marcel. Herm was shivering, so Blair sat on the bed and cuddled him close, petting his brush and crooning quietly, imitating the soft musical chuck-chuck sound herm sometimes made to relax him.

He heard the outer door open, heard Tuvok speak to Ellison, but the lt. didn't reply.

Then the captain stuck her head in his door and stepped in when he nodded.

"The doctor is on his way. Be'Llana was reconfiguring his holo-emittter, she has to take it back to him. How badly is herm hurt?"

"I don't know, sir." leaning to put his mouth close to a pointed ear, Blair whispered into it. "Marcel? It's the captain, can you open your eyes?"

Slowly the lids lifted off the bright purple orbs and the Auterian made an effort to gather himself, pulling himself to a sitting position, the blanket clutched tightly to his body, and nodding hesitantly.

"Are you hurt, ensign?" she asked herm.

"I do not think so...but Lair may be."

"Did Ellison strike you as well, Ensign Sandburg?" she asked. The human ensign blushed suddenly, so deeply that she wondered what could have happened.

"um, no, I'm fine..."

"You are not 'fine'." Marcel objected. "I felt -" the words were abruptly cut off when Blair clapped a hand over his mouth.

"I'll talk to the doctor about it, okay?"

Marcel nodded and Blair removed his hand.

"If you're both alright for the moment," Janeway's eyes studied them briefly, "-then I'm going to go speak to Ellison."

"That could prove problematic." Tuvok spoke calmly from the doorway. "He has retreated into a deep zone."

"Dammit." Sandburg sighed. "Marcel, I'll be right back, okay?"

The Auterian shook his head no, but released the grip he had on the human.

"He does not deserve your efforts." he said flatly.

"Not for me to decide, man." rolling off the bed, Blair ran his hand through the brush one more time, wishing he could kiss herm.

He already knew that he'd lost herm. The Auterian fear and shame and pain were too great to allow him to consider any other option that terminating the relationship. Blair's own understanding of this was part empathy, part cultural knowledge, and part experience. He would be proven right, this was what he'd studied for so many years.

Sighing deeply, Blair went back into the living room and drew Ellison from his zone with a modicum of difficulty. Still nude, he gave no notice of Janeway's garbled gasp or even Chakotay's entrance as he pulled over a chair and spoke in that tone that always reached the Sentinel, no matter how deep he'd gone.

He remained in place while Tuvok escorted Ellison out of the quarters and to the brig for questioning. Only then did he become aware of the pain he was in. It was relatively mild, but made sitting uncomfortable. But when he stood he grew dizzy and swayed.

"Sandburg!" popping back into the room, Chakotay, who had stepped into the hallway with Janeway and Tuvok and Ellison, grabbed him up in his arms and shouted to the doctor, who was still closeted with Marcel. "Captain!"

Coming back in, Janeway stopped and stared briefly at the pool of blood that soaked the seat of the chair Sandburg had been sitting in.

"What the hell happened to him?" she asked, worry clear on her face.

The doctor hurried over with his tricorder and Marcel followed unsteadily, wrapped tightly in the blanket off Sandburg's bed.

"He - I was - I felt him tear, when I was pulled away." he said, looking at the floor. The blush that covered him now wasn't soft dark lavender now, but livid purple. "I tried to say something, but he didn't want me to."

"He's lost some blood, but all of the damage can be repaired once I get him to sickbay." the doctor assured Janeway. "Can you carry him, Commander?"

Feeling a distinct sense of deja-vu, Chakotay nodded. They left, and Jane way was alone with her Auterian crewmember, who was blushing and embarrassed and very, very unhappy.

"Okay, Ensign Marcel. Sit down and tell me what happened."

"Yes, sir." reluctantly he sat down and did so, with as little detail as he could manage.

"Ensign Sandburg thought that Lt.Ellison was out for the night." she began.

"Yes. We had both found his bed to be rather - restricting - so we moved out here, to the couch." he gestured.

"And Ellison walked in on you."

"He may have watched for a few moments. We did not hear him enter. We were -- occupied."

"I understand that." trying to reassure him, Janeway smiled. "Why don't you get dressed and go check on Sandburg?"

"I'll be returning to my quarters." Marcel said sadly.

"I'm sure Blair will want to see you."

"I cannot see him again." standing to his full height, Marcel addressed her. "Will you convey my apologies to him?"

Not totally unfamiliar with Auterians, Janeway sighed. She had been hoping to avoid this.

"Does it have to be this way, Marcel?" she asked gently. "The two of you seemed very happy together."

The brush on his head stood straight and then he laid it back flat.

"Blood has been shed between us. That's the end to it."

"I know." she sighed. "I guess I was hoping you could make an exception this one time."

"I would try, if I thought I could do it." he said earnestly. "Ellison deserves many years burial for this."

Remembering that being buried alive used to be a favored punishment among this long-lived race, Janeway shuddered.

"I don't think I can go that far. But I am sorry this has spoiled things for you."

"Not as sorry as I am." gathering his strewn clothes, the lavender alien went into Blair's bedroom to dress. "I thought... that perhaps I had found my mate."

Janeway was left saddened and angry and with very little recourse.

Ellison did a week in the brig. He zoned frequently, requiring Sandburg to be called down to recover him. After the twentieth time Sandburg asked the captain if he could either join him there or if she could just forget the whole mess and return him to quarters. Out of sympathy for the young man she did that, returning Ellison to duty and restricting him to quarters when off duty, and cut his rations in half for three months.

Patched up by the doctor, Sandburg was physically fine. But emotionally he was changed. All who knew him noticed the change as he became quieter and more withdrawn. Although he had been gregarious and outgoing before, he'd never been a real social animal, but now he seldom left his room for anything other than to eat or to work.

Harry and Tom made a huge effort to cheer him up, visiting frequently, occasionally talking him into going to Sandrine's on his off night. In the company of others Sandburg would cheer up and seem more like his old self, but the sparkle would fade from his eyes with every step closer to his cabin.

"This has got to stop." Janeway said to herself. Seated in her chair on the bridge, she watched with narrowed eyes as Ellison stepped from the turbolift for his shift. Sandburg followed exactly two steps behind, head down, eyes on the floor, padd clenched in his hands.

"Hmm?" beside her Chakotay turned to follow her glance. "Yes, that. I have no ideas."

"Did you try speaking to Ensign Marcel?" in his role as unofficial counselor for the ship Chakotay had a vested interest in this situation, beyond a first officer's normal concern.

"There's nothing to be done there, captain." he said. "The rule of blood is as strong for the Auterians as logic is for Vulcans, and for similar reasons. He can't have any contact with someone who has shed blood on his behalf or because of him."

It was an odd rule, but had proven effective, if not so much so as the Vulcan way. Once a warrior people as well, the Auterians had died in droves, as they were physically too fragile to withstand serious warfare. Like the Vulcans, they had several times brought their race to the edge of genetic viability, and been saved by technology and a diverse gene pool.

The way it worked was fairly simple. If your father, brother, sister, mother, mate -- whatever the Auterian equivalent was -- fought for you or against and was wounded, you were not allowed to speak to that person again, for the rest of your lives. Anyone who saw you doing so had a moral obligation to kill you both. So diplomacy and peace-keeping became much sought-after skills and they outgrew their warrior ways before it was too late. And if you had fought with someone and escaped wounded, it prevented you from fighting again. There were heart-wrenching stories of parents forced to kill all of their children and then be unable to see each other ever again, entire families wiped out before the rule became strong enough.

Janeway sighed.

"He looks worse than ever."

"Optimism is a strong Leerist trait. I think that if we give him time he'll bounce back."

"I want to have a private word with Ellison." making a decision, she stood and gestured at the lt., who glanced at her, surprised. When Sandburg rose from his seat and would have followed them into the ready-room, she waved him back and he sat again, confused. Then the expression vanished from his face as if it had been wiped clean and he went calmly back to work on his padd.

Chakotay watched as the captain gestured to Ellison to proceed her into the room, and then he motioned to Harry Kim. With a raise of his eyebrows the ensign stepped down from Ops and took the captain's chair when the first officer nodded, a brief grin crossing his strong features at Kim's hesitation.

Paris glanced over his shoulder as Kim sat, his grin wide and teasing. The look Harry gave him didn't bode well for the pilot's continued survival.

Behind them all, Sandburg didn't even seem to notice the shuffle, his head bent over the padd as he typed lethargically.

"This is about Sandburg, right?"

Harry Kim and James Ellison said the words at almost precisely the same moment.

"Yes." Janeway said, sitting behind her desk while Ellison remained at attention. "At ease, lieutenant. Take a seat."

"Yes, sir." he did so reluctantly.

"I can't help but notice that Ensign Sandburg appears deeply unhappy."

"Yes, sir, I had noticed." he wasn't looking at her, but at the floor. Guilt was clearly etched on his aristocratic face.

"Ellison, Ensign Sandburg has done you a tremendous service. He's practically given his life over to caring for you. There's been a significant improvement in your condition since he took his place beside you. I know that you feel strongly about concepts like loyalty and friendship...I'm telling you that you need to treat the ensign the way he deserves to be treated. As your most loyal friend."

"I've tried, captain." the weariness in his voice caught her attention.

"Permission to speak freely." she said gently. The tone brought his head up, but he stared past her at the small porthole that revealed the streaming colors of stars passed at warp.

"I'm not a monster, captain. I have apologized to Sandburg a hundred times. I've spoken to Ensign Marcel and tried to get him to understand that it wasn't his doing. Tried to take the blame so the rule wouldn't apply. I've done everything I can think of to fix this."

"I never thought you were a monster." standing, Janeway went to the replicator, glancing back at Ellison. "Would you like a cup of coffee? My treat."

"Please." his pale eyes followed her but he didn't move. "Black."

"Two coffees, columbian, one black, one with two sugars and one cream."

The tiny transporter whirred and delivered the steaming cups. Walking back to the desk, she handed Ellison his.

"Thank you." he said it with real appreciation, not by rote, and sipped, allowing his eyes to close briefly. "It's been a while."

"I can imagine. Eating Neelix's cooking for every meal is certainly a punishment."

"Even if you like Leola root." a shadow of a smile crossed his face.

"Nobody likes Leola root."

"Except Neelix." Ellison fell back into his silence. It suited him.

"I don't think you can patch things between Sandburg and Marcel, no matter how hard you try. Marcel's family is very traditional, I knew his Nurturer at the academy. That's one of the reasons he's on this ship, just as you're here because of Admiral Banks."

"He's always been a good friend of my family." Ellison said softly.

"All I can see for you to do is try to make it up to Sandburg. Have the two of you been spending much time together? I know he hasn't been as active socially as he used to be."

"He acts like he wants to be left alone. So I leave him alone."

Leaning back in her chair, Janeway smiled over her coffee cup.

"I think that should stop. Spend some time with him. Draw him out. Ensign Sandburg is not a man meant for solitude."

"Yes, captain. I'll try, sir."

"Sir?" sitting gingerly on the edge of the captain's chair, Ensign Kim queried Chakotay, allowing his curiosity to show.

"How is Sandburg, Harry? He's seemed very quiet lately, even depressed."

"He's miserable, sir." risking a glance, Kim saw that his friend wasn't listening. "When he's away from Ellison he seems better, but as soon as he goes back to him he just clams up and sort of shrinks into himself."

"Do you think Ellison is being difficult?" Chak continued to work on the padd he held, glancing occasionally at the main viewscreen.

"No. He's been almost - soliticious. Caring. Much nicer to Sandburg than he used to be. Even if he's still rude to the rest of us."

Chakotay had noticed. He'd been watching them as closely as he could as well. "Talk to Sandburg, Harry. See if you can find out what's going on."

"We've been trying, Tom and I. We'll try harder."

"Hey, Sandburg."

Rousing from his half-doze, Blair poked his head out of the nest of covers he'd built on his bed. He liked to sleep bundled up, which had the added bonus of not allowing his homophobic roommate to realize he was naked as well.

"It's late, Ellison. What do you need?" aware of how tired he sounded, he made an effort to sound better. "Your senses screwing around on you again?"

"No, I'm fine. I was thinking...I can get breakfast on my own tomorrow. I'll eat in the messhall and go straight to the bridge -- you sleep in."

"The captain wouldn't like that." although the offer was tempting, he had a responsibility here.

"I'll tell her it was my idea, if she asks." the big man leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms casually. "I know I haven't been making things easy for you, zoning all the time and what-not. You deserve a break."

Letting his head fall back down to hit the pillow, Blair sighed.

"Yeah, okay, man. I am, like, way tired."

"You've been pulling double duty for months now. It's bound to catch up with you." Walking across the small room to the bed, situated in the corner so Blair would have the wall to roll up against in the night, he paused just beside it. "I don't want you to - to get sick or something, because of me."

It was the kindest thing he had ever said to Sandburg. Then he lay his hand on the top of Blair's head, letting it rest there for just a few seconds, and pulled it away again, looking uncomfortable.

"Thanks, Ellison." Blair closed his eyes with another sigh. Yes, it was late, but the older man wasn't collapsing in near- exhaustion.

Of course, he was probably sleeping through the night, too. Blair sighed one last time as his roommate left the room and he closed his eyes. Trying to summon the peace that would let him sleep, praying to any god that was listening that Ellison wouldn't dream tonight.

"Hey, Sandburg."

Blair looked up from his padd. The words had become Ellison's all-purpose greeting for him.

He'd taken refuge in the upper observatory, to work in peace until Ellison finished whatever it was he did with Tuvok during their private training sessions.

Now he'd tracked his babysitter down. Sitting in the chair beside the porthole, a couple of feet away from Blair, who sat on the cold metal floor, the big man tossed down a square container.

"Neelix said you didn't go in for lunch, so I brought you something."

"Hm? Oh, I wasn't hungry." he looked at it and shrugged apologetically.

"You know how many rations I'm getting right now, you'd better eat that. I can't." Ellison leaned forward, elbows on his knees, looking endearingly earnest. "Kim said it was your favorite."

Unable to speak, his throat tightening with emotion -- half of it his own and half echoes of Ellison's, the combination overwhelming -- Blair set down his padd and picked up the sealed box, opening it with a finger slid along the sealing strip.

"Oh man. You didn't have to do this." he lifted out the large sandwich, eyes getting round as he studied it. "Tongue? Beef tongue? On bread, with mustard?"

"And all the trimmings." Ellison was grinning now, relieved. "I thought Leerists were supposed to be vegans."

"My mom is...but she would never impose her ideas of right and wrong on me. That's the whole point; everyone needs to decide for themselves."

"Well, I decided that you need to eat." Ellison stood. "We're on duty in two hours. Are you coming back to quarters or shall I pick you up here?"

"Will you be okay for two hours alone?" swallowing a bite, Blair looked anxious.

"Yeah, I think I'll go down to engineering. Chief Torres has some odd sound she wants me to track down in the number four conduit."

"Then I'd better come with you." Picking up his padd, he stuffed it into his gitbag, slung over his shoulder, looking briefly wistful.

"Eat your food, Sandburg." Ellison said kindly as they left together.

"He looks better." speaking quietly, Janeway nodded toward the door, which had just opened, admitting Ellison and Sandburg. Across the table, Chakotay sipped his beer and nodded in agreement.

This was a working night out for them. Once or twice a month they met up -- here, in Sandrine's or the popular beach hangout Tom had programmed or the mess hall -- not to relax, but to watch. To study the people they were responsible for, keep an eye on developing situations, potential problems.

During the second year of their voyage, when the time had become real to everyone on board, this had been a sometimes nerve-wracking practice as they watched all the couples meet, greet, and then either split or settle or both, time and again. In the end, the couple they had worried about the most had proven to be the least trouble. Tom and Harry were ridiculously happy together. She wished she could say that for any of the others.

Janeway glanced at the pool table as Sandburg approached it, a smile lighting his beautiful face. Ellison took a seat at the bar, in the corner, away from everyone else, watching his roommate.

Tom was just leaning over to take a shot. Blair padded up behind him, leaned over his back, and did something to his neck that made him jump.

"Sandburg!" his shout brought laughter from those watching the game.

"Just trying to even the odds." the smaller man grinned, going around the table to join a chuckling Harry, who slipped a companionable arm around him.

"I think Ellison has really been trying." Chak said, when the comedy had played out, turning his attention back to his captain. A wave of laughter came from the pool table, but he didn't look back, meeting her gaze instead. "Harry reports that he's been making sure Sandburg eats, doing research for him during their free time and spending a lot of time with him in the holodeck. Apparently they share a love of several sports. It gives them something in common."

"He still looks tired. And he doesn't smile enough."

"Everyone is entitled to be down sometimes. Even Sandburg."

"We keep watching them." she said softly.

"Anything you say, captain." there was more in his voice than friendship...but, as always, Voyager's captain ignored it.

Sitting, once again, on that couch, with Tom and Harry on the facing chairs, Blair's face tightened. His friends exchanged a glance and then the door slid open and Ellison walked in.

"Hey, Sandburg." he nodded at his roommate with a tentative smile, as if he wasn't sure how it would be received. "Tuvok cut me loose...do you want to go skiing? I have some holodeck time."

It was the middle of the day on a free day, and all Sandburg wanted to do was sit here on the couch and try not to think too much.

Watching as the enthusiasm and animation drained out of the younger man, Harry was looked startled when Sandburg answered in the affirmative.

"Yeah, sure, Ellison. Why don't we skip Virginia tonight and try Colorado?" standing seemed to take more effort now, with the older man in the room. Blair looked at Harry, who looked at Tom, and then everybody was looking at Blair.

"I guess we should go clean our quarters." Harry said. Tom groaned loudly, covering his face with his hands.

"Oh, no, no, Harry! Anything but that. Anything."

"They could come with us." looking mildly more hopeful, Ellison offered the suggestion quickly, not looking at Sandburg.

The younger man didn't say anything, just looked at his friends. His face had taken on that blank, closed look he wore now whenever Ellison was around.

"I like skiing." Harry said.

"I'll probably break something, but I'd love to go." Tom chimed in.

"Then it's all set." Ducking into his bedroom, Ellison tried to be cheerful, but it was obvious what an effort it was for him. As soon as he was out of sight Blair collapsed back onto the couch and covered his face with his hands.

"Blair?" Hovering over him, his hand inches from the thin shoulder, Harry looked at Tom and then back at Blair and back again, seeking advice.

"I'm alright." the xenothropologist muttered, pulling his hands away, running them through his unbound hair, tangling it, pulling the ends from beneath him where he'd sat on them. "I had my shields down with you and then he came."

Not understanding yet, Harry sat beside him and pressed.

"But you're around him all the time. Don't you keep low shields with him anyhow? Because you're used to him?"

"Not anymore." the voice was rough, and then he was shaking his head, pulling away from Harry's offered comfort. "No, man, don't touch me...it's too hard to block -" and the words cut off. He looked up - Ellison came out of the bedroom - and then Blair stood.

"Ready?" the big man asked, apparently oblivious to the pain on Sandburg's face.

"Let's go." following him out of the quarters, Blair walked by himself, behind Ellison but in front of Tom and Harry, who were exchanging measuring looks and determined glances.

It was a beautiful setting. The northern American woods towered above them, sunlight streaming over the narrow path to twinkle on ice-crystals that crusted the snowbanks piled on either side. Bare branches twined against the pale blue sky, evergreens gleamed darkly colorful, the rest of the woods grey and brown and black, all of it subdued on the backdrop of pristine white that blanketed the forest.

Ellison was in the lead, which surprised no-one, but behind him Tom and Blair fought cheerfully for second place. Harry brought up the rear, seeming happy to do it, watching Tom's butt a few feet ahead of him.

It was Harry who had suggested cross-country, something he'd only done a couple of times before. Blair didn't seem to care what they did and Ellison said he was happy for the workout.

Bundled in ski suits provided by the holodeck, each of them in a different color, they were warm from the exercise. Their breath misted in the clear air and the sounds of the skis sliding across the snow provided a comforting background rhythm.

After a while, none of them carrying chronometers or really wanting to know how long it had been, they came to a steep slope, where the mountain trail they had been traveling became a downhill.

Tom and Harry collapsed together on a fallen log that made a convenient bench -- it was a good program -- and Ellison leaned against a tree, all of them panting for breath. The air was thin this high up. Only Blair retained any animation, hurrying to the edge and looking down with wide eyes as he reported back.

"This looks terrific! I bet we can do at least 80 going down here!"

"That's not so fast." Ellison objected.

"Eighty miles-per-hour, Old Earth reckoning." Blair threw a grin over his shoulder.

"Damn. That may be beyond me." the older man frowned.

"I can do it." Tom gave Harry a quick kiss, they tried to be discreet around Ellison, and joined Blair at the edge, reaching over and plucked a few dried leaves from Blair's long hair, which was severely tangled from the exercise.

"Har, you go down with Ellison, okay?" Tom sounded mildly worried. "Take it easy?"

"Yes, we snails will stick together." his lover said with a grin, making no move to get up. "You go on ahead and have the hot chocolate waiting."

"From whose rations?"

"I'll race you for it." Blair offered with a grin.

"You're on." Tom matched it with one of his own. Harry held up a hand as if to shield his eyes.

"Go already, you're going to blind me with all that beauty and light!" he scolded loudly, laughing.

"Count it off, Ellison." Blair glanced over his shoulder, checking on his charge. The Sentinel tended to zone less often while exercising, probably because there were so many sensations to distract him.

"Five, four, three, two -" counting obediently, Ellison got to the last and, grinning, paused until they all shouted at him.

"Ellison!"

"ONE!" his roar rang through the woods. Primed and ready, Tom and Blair vanished over the edge of the run, leaving Harry staring at him, wide-eyed.

"I can make noise when I have to." the normally silent man shrugged.

"I'll say. You want to rest a few minutes more?" letting himself slide to the ground, the shorter man looked up at him. He watched curiously as Ellison stared at him for a few minutes before it dawned on him that the man was checking him over -- his heartbeat and respiration.

"You're still tired. We'll wait a bit. It's not like we're going to catch them." a faraway look came into his eyes and Harry let him listen to the rapidly-descending pair for only a few seconds before he nudged him with a ski pole.

"Hey, Ellison, don't do that on me."

"I'm here, Kim. Don't worry." the bigger man said, pushing himself off the tree and leaning to unlock his boots from the skis. "Going to walk around a bit, stretch a little."

"I'll sit here and wait." Harry said, squirming until his back was against the tree, getting comfortable. "We can always cheat and have the computer move us to join them."

"I don't cheat, Kim." with those words Ellison ducked into the darkness of the surrounding woods, thicker here than they had been further down on the trail.

Drawing air through his nostrils, feeling the cold burn his lungs, Blair opened his mouth and did it again, breathing deeper, embracing the pain. It was bracing and invigorating and alive.

The last few miles passed in a white blur, striped by the brown-and-grey of tree trunks, Paris a red streak to his left.

Finally slowing, Blair eased off a little, letting the other man get ahead of him. With his extra rations it just felt fair that he should be the one providing the refreshments at the bottom.

Paris whooped with excitement as he stopped before the cozy cabin. A thin spiral of smoke indicated that a fire was waiting for them inside.

"Whew-eeg!" peeling off his goggles, Tom beamed at Blair, who couldn't help returning it. The pilot's enthusiasm, although seldom so openly expressed, was as contagious as his own was said to be. Blair whooped with him and let Tom pound on his back briefly.

"I'm ready for that hot chocolate!" he huffed at last. "With Amaretto to warm it up!"

"You let me win, Sandburg." Paris said knowingly, bending to strip off his skis. "You didn't have to. I could have spared the rations."

"Just making Sandrine's a safer place." Blair grinned as he followed suit. "Can't have you using me as an excuse to skin the crew."

"Hurt!" Paris objected as they went into the one-room cabin, his arm slung over Blair's shoulders. "I am hurt, I tell you...I wouldn't have blamed it on you."

"Well, the snow didn't need the guilt." heading straight for the replicator, Blair unzipped his skinsuit, revealing his blue sciences uniform beneath. Paris wore civilian clothes, a grey-green tunic over darker grey slacks.

"Kim to Paris." his combadge chirped as Blair programmed his request. It was a little esoteric for the regular menu.

"Paris here. Everything okay, Harry?"

"Everything's great. We're starting down now."

"I'll build up the fire, lover." catching Sandburg rolling his eyes at him, Paris tapped the badge. "Paris out."

Sitting, he accepted the large pewter mug Blair handed him and studied the cabin.

Built of rough-hewn split logs, the spaces between chinked with mortar, it was endearingly rustic. The interior was filled with comfortable overstuffed furniture that didn't match the time period, in warm colors; rusty reds and soft tans and dark greens. But the window shutters were off just a little and the fire was just a touch too obviously holographic.

"This is a nice program." he said. "I've never seen it before, where did you get it?"

"Dug it out of the library file. Skiing is about the only thing Ellison and I seem to be able to do together. He has the edge in other sports - I was never good at Pareses Squares - but here I'm better than he is."

They sipped their drinks. Blair had added extra chocolate to Tom's, and a touch of creme de menthe, making it perfect, proving once more just how observant he was. The faint almond scent of his own mingled with the gentle fire-smell in the air.

"If you give me a copy I could improve it some." stretching his long legs out towards the fire, Tom grinned when Blair took off his shoes and did the same with a sigh of contentment.

"Hm? Oh, sure. If you want to play with it, that would be great. It's not copyrighted, it's a Fleet public domain."

"I already have ideas."

They were quiet for a while before Blair spoke again. He sounded calm and relaxed.

"It took us about thirty minutes to get down, right?"

"Closer to forty-five." Tom replied thoughtfully.

"They won't be here for another hour, then."

"Guess you're going to have to spot me another mug of chocolate." Tom teased. But his companion ignored it, staring into the fire over the edge of his own mug as he spoke again, the apparent non-sequitur catching the blond pilot off-guard.

"I think that's why he does it." he noted Tom's confusion with a sideways glance. "The skiing. Ellison does it because I'm better at it that he is. He's no dummy but we can't exactly compete mentally, and physically he has me beat on just about every level."

"No way he's prettier than you are, Sandburg." Tom spoke softly, to show that he understood the importance of this conversation. The beautiful face twisted in a wry grimace.

"Somehow, I don't think that's helping my cause."

He paused and drank some more cocoa. Tom was quiet, filing away details to pass on the Harry when he told his lover about this moment. So far Blair had only been really friendly with the other ensign, treating Tom as an extension of Harry. It hadn't really bothered the pilot, but now he wondered why Blair was talking to him about things.

"You'll understand." the empath met his eyes steadily, the dark blue meeting the bright blue-green and holding it for a moment before looking away. "You're a little bit like him, like Ellison. Emotionally controlled, hiding everything that's important to you. Just because you hide it behind a sense of humor doesn't make it any less hiding."

"Harry changed that." Tom protested quietly.

"Mostly." Blair agreed with a flash of quicksilver grin. "But Ellison hides. He does it so well that even he doesn't know what he's feeling. I spend so much time with him now my shields drop automatically. It's what lets me know when he's close to a zone or losing his temper, so I can do what I have to, distract or divert him."

"You're doing an amazing job." seeing that the smaller man's cup was empty, Tom stood and took it. "No one else was even able to reach him when he zoned, much less bring him out every single time without the doctor's help. You can even stop him before it happens." He set both into the replicator and watched them vanish, then turned to pick up the poker and stir the blazing fire. No sparks shot out or floated up the chimney, another fault in the program.

"It's too hard, Tom." the admission was soft and worried. "I can't keep doing it. I work so hard keeping my shields up around him, it wears me down. And what he wants - what he doesn't know he wants - it's what I want too, and my mind starts to rebel."

"That must be really hard." Tom sat back down, this time on the big sofa near Blair. Harry had told him what Blair had said about what Ellison was feeling.

"Too hard. The way it works for me...if my mind is picking up the signals I want to receive, then it pretty much decides that my body should act on them. I've read about the bonding process, as far as it's understood. And everything I've read, everything I've felt from him tells me that's we're bonding. The way a Sentinel bonds with a Guide."

"But that's great! That's just what he needs!"

"No, no, you don't understand." leaning over, Blair took Tom's hand in both of his. "He will never accept that from me."

"Does it have to be sexual?" hearing the desperation in the musical voice, Tom grasped the hand back. "Can't you just - just be friends?"

"Part of the bond is children." Blair released him suddenly, sitting back again, drawing up into himself, knees tucked under his chin. "As soon as he bonds he's going to start wanting them. It's all tied into the genetics. I read a paper that theorized that the whole bonding process is required to pull Sentinels out of the solitary lives they would choose by nature, for the survival of the race. It may be a genetic enhancement - a lot was done to them during the Eugenics wars, before they escaped from Earth."

"I didn't realize it was so complicated." Tom leaned over and gave Blair a sympathetic hug. He didn't know if the younger man was inadvertently broadcasting his emotional distress or if he himself was just more sensitive today; he just wanted to make Blair feel better. "But if he is bonded with you, then the gender shouldn't matter so much, right? That's a cultural thing and the bonding is physical and emotional."

"I can't be sure." Blair sighed, leaning slightly into the pressure of Tom's friendly embrace. "It's such a huge risk...I don't know if I can take it."

"You can't go on like this." Tom shook his head, still offering comfort. "It's too much, Blair, he's sucking you dry."

"I know." closing his eyes, Blair sighed deeply and let himself be held, for the first time since he lost Marcel. "I know."

Tom held him, rocking gently, until they heard the other two arrive in a hiss of snow.