Making Synergy

by sasquash

Making Synergy

By sasquash

I watched, almost with detachment, as I fought with the demon-sith. Thrust, parry, parry -I was no stranger to this dance. The double edged saber was new though and perhaps that was what gave Maul the edge he needed against me. I saw the killing blow coming, cursed myself for leaving the opening even as I watched his blade rush towards me. The pain was a surprise, though it shouldn't have been -his saber passed right through my chest, impaling me on it's bloody glow.

I could have saved myself the pain, could easily have slipped immediately from the bonds of the body I had chosen to tie myself to, but there was someone whose need was greater than my own. Even as the blade pulled free from my flesh, I could hear my padawan scream in denial, in fear and in rage. I sent calming waves to him, reminding him that this was only an end, not *the* end.

The wall of energy separating him from the creature and myself fell with a hiss and Obi-Wan rushed forward.

I had a bad moment as the Sith caught him and sent him into the gravity well, his saber falling into oblivion, but the clever lad had caught hold of a large bolt and was calming himself, gathering the force to him. I watched with pride and wonder as he came flying up and over the horned beast, my saber flying to his hand as if it were his own. He ignited the blade and spun, making it one continuous motion that sliced the beast in two and it was Maul who ended his life in the pit.

He came to me then, holding me off the cold ground and the sweet bliss of his presence eased the pain in my chest.

"What must I do?" he asked and it was only then that I remembered that I didn't have to stay grounded in this body, in this pain. I touched his face with a hand that already felt it wasn't my own. "The pyre" I reminded him. He nodded -he knew.

"I will be with you" I whispered just before I left the body of Qui-Gon Jinn behind.

I surrounded Obi-Wan, holding him in my arms as he held the body I had worn. Though he had changed over the years, this sensation had not. Since we had met, even before he became my Padawan - despite my reluctance - his ability to ground me, to center my true form, had been known. Shedding the constricting human form I wore to interact with corporeal beings, I was free to take any shape I wished, as I had been since my 'birth', longer ago than I cared to think about. Now it allowed me to literally surround Obi-Wan as he grieved quietly. Knowing that I would return to him, that I would become physical once again, but still feeling the pain of this, my first passing.

A ceremony would be required to mark this, the first of what could be many deaths for me, and I felt the familiar pang as I remembered that he would only be allowed one. One life, one death, one form. The reality made me contract around him, warming myself with energy currents, and gradually I found myself thinning and stretching, sinking into him, sharing the form he was tied to.

Like all of my kind, the Zararielles, I could share the body of any corporeal being. Unlike most of my kind, I had done so with a variety of beings and species. Beginning with my Master Yoda, soon after I was taken into the Temple, only the third Zarar to be accepted. Most of us are just too set in our ways to interact freely with the physical-bodied.

{That's better, Master.} Sitting on the cold floor, cradling the dying body, Obi-Wan leaned imperceptibly into the warmth I knew he could feel, and spoke to me knowing he would not get an answer. It was painful to feel his sorrow, but there was strength beneath it, and I could see that Obi-Wan was reminding himself that he had always known this could happen. Had been trained for it, planned for it.

It was one of the reasons Yoda had been so insistent that I take *this* human as my Padawan. That strength. A Zarar *needed* a focus to remain physical, and I had been in danger of reverting without one. That would have meant leaving the Jedi.

{You belong here, Master.} Though he could not hear my thoughts, Obi-Wan, as he often did, anticipated the direction they would take. The large body in his arms gave one last shudder and slumped further. Slender hands, stained with blood, touched it gently, sought the pulse, sighed.

{We need to get out of here and see what's going on elsewhere.} Shifting further into the younger body, I attached myself to Obi-Wan's personal energy pattern, adding my own strength to my Padawan's, and together we walked through the cycling laser fields and back to the battle for Naboo.

***

My Padawan was busy tiding the small, but luxurious quarters Amidala's servants had assigned us. I've watched him do this a thousand times, resting within the quiet solitude of his body while he tended to our physical comforts. During our years together he had always done more than his fair share of the mundane tasks that physical bodies require; cooking, cleaning, clothing.

Taking on physical form was tiring for me, and often times exhausting. The energy I expended was well-spent, and my inherent ability to draw power directly from the Force made me a powerful Jedi, but there was a price to be paid. A price that Obi-Wan paid as much as I did. The longer I spent as human, in that body I created, the more I needed to draw to maintain it.

After long missions or emotionally draining negotiations, it was all I could do to make it back to a place of safety to shed that skin. And his strength was often what allowed me to do so. Though the Council, and many of the Jedi, knew my true nature, it wasn't something to be spoken of aloud. A courtesy done to a dying people who wanted to be forgotten. I would be the last Zarar to be a Jedi. I might even survive to be one of the last Zarar.

{Everything is ready for the ceremony, Master.} Obi-Wan shut down the communications unit and shifted, stretching. I slid with the movement, seeking out tiny aches and pains and soothing them silently. It was small repayment for the burden Obi-Wan had shouldered when I took him as Padawan. My need for him had isolated him from others his age, restricted his movement, placed him in an undeserved role of servant too many times. Once again, his thoughts followed mine with startling accuracy.

{It's such a burden, having the most powerful, the best-educated and most patient master of any padawan.} I took it as the gentle scolding it was. The one-sided argument was cut off by the door chime. Reluctantly I separated myself from Obi-Wan to greet the presence I 'saw' in the Force. No one else vibrated to that particular frequency, or carried such a tremendous energy signature.

"Master Yoda." Obi-Wan sounded almost unhappy to see him as he opened the door, and I understood. My Master could and did converse with me in my true form, something Obi-Wan wasn't strong enough to do. He might never be strong enough, and that worried me slightly.

"An eventful day, you have had, Padawan Kenobi." Shuffling to the smallest of the chairs, Yoda lifted himself with ease, and then turned his head, staring unerringly in my direction.

"First death, you have experienced, Qui-Gon Jinn. A choice to make, there is."

"A choice?" I watched Obi-Wan strain his eyes as I floated peacefully near the ceiling, in no particular shape, expanding and contracting slightly with the Force currents of the room. "You never said anything about a choice. You said that you would die, and we would hold the ceremony of crossing, and you would build yourself another body." Anger, and fear, flashed through the Force currents around him, splashes of color in the serene silver of the lifenet. I felt a tiny surge of pride when he regained control of himself and those negative emotions were diluted into the Force and he was calm again.

"Choose, he must." Yoda told Obi-Wan patiently. "If choice is already made, even then."

{The choise *is* already made, isn't it, Master?}

Touching Yoda's mind was as familiar as breathing wasn't. From the very beginning, not long after my birth, he had been there, and his strength in the Force was such that we could connect as easily as corporeal beings speaking. My mother had sought him out when I was still very tiny, still attached to her and living off her energy, even though she was weakened by age. I was the last of her many children, and she wanted me cared for and to have contact with other sentient beings in my life. There were so few of us left even then that she decided the only way to guarantee that was to give me to the Jedi.

I let my emotions color my thought as I answered his unspoken question. {The choice is made, my Master. I will return to the physical world after this crossing - and after all others. To live alone would be painful now, without the contact of others. Without physical sensation.}

Seeing the small smile on his wrinkled face, Obi-Wan smiled as well, and I wished, fleetingly, that I could return it. But I could touch him, and so I did, flowing down and around him, smothering him in a warm, affectionate embrace that I knew he could feel.

{Thank you, Master.} The thought reached me, laced with the same affection I felt. {I know it can be hard for you, but I am selfish and want you with me.}

{I will never leave you by choice.} I thought back, knowing he could not hear it. But Yoda could and shot me a look of surprise.

"Leave you, he will not." He told Obi-Wan, me blushing mentally to hear my words spoken aloud. It was one thing to feel the depth of emotion Obi-Wan filled me with, but another to speak of it. It wasn't love, and it wasn't lust, but something very close to the first. I'm not sure I've ever experienced the latter, though I have experimented while physical and found the sensations enjoyable. But I could see that Obi-Wan was pleased and that pleased me.

Yoda, as usual, was quick to bring us back to practical matters.

"Told the boy what, have you?"

"The truth," Obi-Wan said simply. "I saw no reason to lie," he continued in response to Yoda's look of surprise. "He would know the truth soon enough and has lost enough these last few days. Besides, if Qui-Gon is going to take him as his apprentice, Anikin needs to know the nature of my...connection to him." I could feel Obi-Wan almost vibrating with the need to say more to Yoda, but he stayed silent.

But it seemed that my old Master was as perceptive as ever.

"More to say have you." He thumped his cane imperiously on the floor when Obi-Wan remained quiet and my apprentice started slightly.

"Are you sure there is no one else who could train him, Master Yoda? I would always be between the two of them in a way that I'm not sure would benefit Ani in any way whatsoever." I could feel Obi-Wan's distress at his impertinence, but as I heard his words I realised that he was right.

How on earth had I thought that I could take on the responsibility of another padawan when so much of my life was tied up in Obi-Wan? And yet the boy needed to be taught, of that I was sure. Yoda turned his gaze back to me, and I realised he must have sensed my thoughts.

"If trained he must be, then train him will I."

"But you said..." Obi-Wan's voice trailed off. {Best leave well enough alone} he said wryly, once again easily surmising the flow of my thoughts.

"Ready for the ceremony are you?" asked Yoda.

"Yes, Master." Obi-Wan replied, and I echoed the sentiment.

He bowed as Yoda left and it was with great relief that I slid back into his body, his energy patterns as familiar as my own

***

I watched the flames take my Master's body, unable to stop the wave of grief that passed through me. The warm weight of my Master's presence filled me, but this was the first time that I had lost any part of him to death and it was hard to remember that I would soon have my him back in body as well as in essence. I remember the first time I helped him, "grounded" him as he called it. It pulled me down and lifted me up at the same time. I had to support him, but in doing so joined him to me, and the loneliness that had become a part of me was banished.

Qui-Gon and the council had argued loudly and at length as to whether or not he should take me as his padawan. Yoda had been pushing me in Qui-Gon's direction for months but the rest of the council were not as enthusiastic. Pros and cons were weighed, my "tender years" were mentioned on more than one occasion and finally, I could not stand and listen quietly for another moment.

"Isn't anyone going to ask me what I want?" I asked, my words effectively bringing the room to an abrupt quiet.

Master Yoda got slowly up from his chair and, cane sounding loud with every step, he slowly came towards me. At thirteen I was already taller than he, barely.

"Wants have you?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"Yes, Master Yoda."

"Consider them you think we must?"

"Well...yes" I answered faintly, feeling more than a little scared at the audacity of my words and yet needing to remain truthful.

"Correct, you are." Tilting his head, Yoda gave me what I could only think of as a smile, though it wasn't an expression I'd seen on his face before. Somehow I felt that I had pleased him, and that gave me the strength to continue in the face of the mild disapproval I was sensing from the rest of them. "What you want, Obi-Wan Kenobi, tell us you must."

"I want to be Qui-Gon Jinn's padawan." The words were out of my mouth in a flash, echoed by the emotions they stirred in me.

"Why?" Adi Gallia spoke gently, as if she recognized the atmosphere and sought to lighten it. "I know your birthday is near, Kenobi, but is this an act of desperation or do you truly feel that you can meet the demands that will be made of you as padawan to a Zarar?"

Knowing that to answer in haste would condemn me, I paused, and took a moment to study the man I wished to call Master. Already I could recognize that he was stressed, and his control stretched thin. Returning from Bandomeer, after saving all of those people, Qui-Gon had been drained and weary. With the new bond between us, fragile and hesitant, I had offered my support as best I knew how and been surprised at the manner it was accepted in. Qui-Gon had calmly studied me, urging me, gently, to open my mind, and then had simply eased into my body and taken up residence there, without much in the way of warning.

It had been immensely comforting to me. To have him there, inside me, a part of myself, had been welcome and a powerful antidote to the loneliness I carried. That loneliness was a common side-effect of Jedi training, and I had found Qui-Gon's presence could more than alleviate it. Seeing the big body lying there, so still and empty, was unnerving, but feeling my potential Master in every cell eased the sensation.

The answer was simple, and I gave it calmly.

"I have met those demands, and will continue to do so."

"A part of you, he must become." Yoda said, ears twitching. "Whenever needs it, he does."

"I can." The words rang out, filled with sincerity. Stepping closer to Qui-Gon, I held out a hand, touched the man's tall shoulder, felt the faint electrical charge that ran through him as he struggled to retain his form. "Rest, Master." I said softly. "I am here, for you."

The Jedi Master looked around, noting the concerned expression on the faces of the Council, then met the eyes of his own Master, the small being that radiated so much power.

"Right, it is." Yoda told him, completely solemn.

"I accept Obi-Wan kenobi as my padawan." Qui-Gon Jinn spoke loudly, and his voice trembled. Tightening the hand on his shoulder, I was ready for the wash of energy I felt as Qui-Gon knelt on the floor and accepted my offer of solace.

It had been the beginning of the most important relationship in my life. The only relationship, really, that counted. Of course every padawan would say that about his Master, but what I had with Qui-Gon was more than just that.

What I *have*.

With his body turning to ashes in front of my eyes, I have to keep reminding myself of that. He's within me, I can feel him down to my very cells, you would think that it wouldn't be hard for me to remember that he wasn't really dead. But I had performed this service for my Master so many times, grown so accustomed to feeling him a part of me that I no longer considered his presence in me as separate from myself. It is an essential part of my being and I am infinitely relieved that Qui-Gon had chosen to remain with me.

I can no longer imagine my life without him in it.

Fortunately for me, I would never have to. No matter how many physical deaths my Master experienced, the essence of him would not die. As long as there was someone to perform the duty of grounding for him, he would live. I planned to live a very long life, both for myself and for my Master.

***

Obi-Wan is wandering about the room, stopping to smooth the bedspread, moving to the window to adjust the drape just so. He is nervous. We have gone over, more than once, what would need to be done in order to reform my corporeal form, should I be killed. But theory and reality are not the same thing and though he knew what to expect, he didn't.

I would have to rebuild the body I had lost and in order to do so borrow energy from my Padawan and from the Force. I had never died before, so there had been no way for me to reassure or guide Obi-Wan, other than to repeat the scant instructions my mother had given Master Yoda when she had brought me to him.

"Everything is ready, Master. It is time to begin." Obi-Wan spoke out loud, as much for himself as for my benefit. But nervous as I knew him to be, his voice was calm, sure. Its serenity echoed the peace that lay at his core. While he might be worried about the actual mechanics, he had no qualms about doing this. He could not have hidden any apprehension from me, not while I lived in his body. After touching the drape one last time, assuring that it let in the light but afforded us privacy, Obi-Wan turned and began to disrobe.

He had lit an incense stick, waldenberry, a particular favourite of mine, and although I couldn't smell it, I knew that it would have permeated the air completely by this time. There was a feeling of anticipation in the room, but it was light and almost soothing. The knowledge that this was the way things were supposed to be seemed to echo in the air I inhabited, even the molecules of the furnishings. The mild anxiety was almost totally overshadowed by my eagerness, newly-realized, to return to the life I had been living. These past few days had been a respite from the demands of a physical form, but I had missed it more than I expected.

When I was younger, and less adept at manipulating the Force, I had often spent days or even a week at a time in my true form, with Yoda nearby to center me. Those times had been almost carefree, as I allowed myself to revel in the freedom the lack of a physical body creates. As I had grown older those times grew less frequent, but I anticipated them all the same. But the more time I spent with Obi-Wan, the less need I felt to separate from him in that manner. It meant something, but I had yet to un-puzzle what.

"Almost ready, Master." The cultured voice rolled through the air and through my being and if I could have shivered I would. The room was dimly lit, properly shielded and scented, and I was suddenly eager - nay, excited - to be here, doing this. Looking forward to my new body as much as I had ever yearned for my true form.

I watched as my padawan took a last, careful look around the room, nodding to himself with satisfaction. It was time. He had removed all his clothing and now turned to the bed, laying down carefully in the middle of the soft mattress, on his back with his hands folded neatly across his chest, mimicking the pose in which my body had lain on the pyre. He took several deep breaths and slid into a light meditative trance.

I gazed upon him a moment, his young, strong body, calling to me to join once again with him. I slowly slid into him, as I had many times before, sinking my energy, my being, into his flesh, his bone, his blood. Each cell welcomed me as though I were coming home, Obi-Wan's joy at my presence within him flooding through me.

***

Qui-Gon's presence slowly sank into me, filling me and I welcomed the familiar sensation of *other* within my body.

This joining would be different from the those that had come before, for Qui-Gon had no body to return to after a period of rest. He needed to recreate his corporeal form and would need, not merely to ground himself within me, as he had in the past, but to use my energy, as well as the energy of the force to help him remake the body of Qui-Gon Jinn. It was a rebirth after death and I was honored and excited to be a part of it.

I could feel Qui-Gon's energy change, becoming...heavier in my body and I had to take deeper breaths in order to fill my lungs. My body began to vibrate, ever so slightly, as the energy within me became heavier still, almost solid. For a moment it felt as if Qui-Gon was in me, two bodies inhabiting the same space and I caught my breath at the unexpected flood of pleasure.

I was suspended in this one moment of being both one and two. It had never felt quite like this before - perhaps it was because he, my Master, did not have a body at the moment, but I was intensely aware of both his presence, which I always felt, and his individuality, which had always before escaped me. Instead of becoming a complete part of me, it was like he was both. A part of me and yet not. Myself and us and him -where none began and none ended.

I have no idea how long we hung suspended at this point, at this joining, but I was wrenched from it as I felt Qui-Gon's energy begin to fade, his presence slowly seeping from me. This wasn't right, I knew that instinctively. Pain slammed through me at the thought that we had failed, that my Master was now dying. His presence became sorrowful as it continued to fade, almost a soothing caress of regret.

NO! I would not let him go. It was not an option and I filled myself with all my love for him, pulling every memory of our past to the fore. I would not let him go without a fight. I needed him too much to lose him. The fact that that need was also physical caught me by surprise and yet as it revealed itself simultaneously to him and to me, it seemed as though I had always known of it.

I held onto him with all my being, sank manacles of need and want and hot desire into him. My body tightened, my cock hardening and rising, my back arching off the bed. I had never felt this wanton, but the demanding hunger of my body was matched only by the urgency of my soul. I pulled the energy from the very air around us, channelling it through my body, mutely offering it, offering myself, to my Master's use.

I started to shake again as I felt him grow stronger and prayed to the Force that together we would be strong enough to make this happen.

***

One minute I was fading, torn away by something stronger than myself, the pull of it irresistible. The next...the next my Padawan was fighting with all his being, fighting for me, for us, refusing to let me go. If the bedroom had become a metaphor for a battleground, so did his body become a weapon. Although it was wielded in love, it still sank deeply into me, or what was left of me. Obi-Wan's soul; the goodness, the courage, the strength that had given him the ability to anchor me these many years, was now being concentrated and directed at me in a completely new way, a way I couldn't ignore. He was forcing me to complete the transformation. *Forcing* me to return. He wanted me to live alongside him.

It was that devastatingly simple. Love, lust, want and need swirled around Obi-Wan's body, bending it into a beautiful arch, a bridge for me to cross.

Although I had no eyes to see, the vision of him at this moment will be forever engraved upon my mind. Yearning, aching, he was reaching for me with the Force, so powerfully that it literally glowed around him, lighting him up like an Alderian Harvest Tree. I had never seen anyone so brilliantly lit, so totally in touch with the power around us, and it made me want to stay with him. *Want* to need him, to touch him, to - to.... There was more to this than the forming of a new shell to house my restless spirit.

And Obi-Wan already knew that -my padawan had arrived at the answer ahead of his Master. In this, as so many things, he was the wiser.

My true form quivered, sinking ever-more deeply into his welcoming body, melding into his cells, and there I rested, briefly, feeling his fear subside as I pondered this new development. But I was there, with him, and a part of him, the possibility that I would return to my natural state no longer threatened. But we were both growing weaker, and he was drawing heavily on the Force to maintain the connection he had so determinedly forged. Though some part of me wanted to stay where I was, deep within him, I knew that I had to proceed, or we would both be lost.

To proceed I would have to become one with Obi-Wan. Not just my energy to his cells, but my physical being to his. How could I proceed without knowing if Obi-Wan realised the commitment he was making in offering this to me? A joining such as this, between a Zarar and a human, could never be undone. I would not bind him to me so unless I knew that he wanted it. And yet, how could I question him until I was once again flesh and form?

"I am yours, for always." The quiet passion and joy in those words, both spoken aloud and within Obi-Wan's mind, were more than I could have asked for. As usual, my padawan had anticipated my thoughts as clearly as he knew his own. Reassured, I let my worries go and concentrated instead on this marvellous creature who shone so brightly within the Force.

The cells I inhabited fairly vibrated with his love for me and I let myself really feel it resonate within my essence, my *soul*. I would live *here* if I could, but there was joy in the physical too and that Obi-Wan could share with me. I built myself within his body, just a shadow of my former self -a ghost, if you will. While I knew that this was what I must do, I felt the wrench as our one became two.

I lost my hold on his cells and drifted up from his body, forming skin and blood and hair and cells of my own as I left the shelter of him. The bedspread was warm beneath my back, heated by his body. He was hotter against my front, above me, his back pressing me down, testing the firmness of my new flesh. My arms were around him, holding him tightly to me as if I could re-enter his body. But we were separate.

Except for that one small part of me that still had not left his body. Hot and hard and solid -real- but still within his body, my shaft was buried deep inside him.

"Please!" his plea was loud to my new-born ears, but I could not have denied him, even had it been the quietest of whispers. I pushed my hips deeper into the mattress beneath me, pulling out a small way before bucking back up into him. His back bowed as his hips and shoulders pressed down into me.

We pulled and pushed our way through several more strokes before we found our rhythm, our bodies not as attuned as they had been, but as close as two physical beings can manage. When it was no longer enough I shoved myself up and turned him, coming down over top of my Obi-Wan as I reversed our positions. Pressing my knees forward, I dragged his legs up until he kneeled before me, head buried in his arms. Wild arrhythmic thrusts jerked my hips against his ass and I slammed into him again and again and again.

The force crackled about us, still carrying Obi-Wan's love and strength in it's signature. I was slowly adding to it, making it ours instead of his.

This time he whispered. His words were soft in the face of the orgasm ripping through his body. I watched him jerk and buck beneath me, muscles spasming around my cock. "I love you, Qui-Gon."

"I know," I said as I finally pulled completely free of his body. I pushed my hips forward, pressing my cock along his perineum, under his balls and alongside his cock. My come flowed from me and mixed with his on the bed beneath my lover's belly.

I fell beside him, limbs trembling. I reached out a shaky hand and ran it down his back, tracing his spine from neck to buttocks, soothing his quicksilver tremors. Obi-Wan turned his head, looking at me with a smile that came from within. I should know -I was there.

"Welcome home, Master," he said quietly. I smiled in thanks, knowing that he *was* my home and I had never truly left it.

***

I let my eyes drift closed, knowing he would still be there when they opened again. That was a luxury I usually took for granted. Qui-Gon's fingers came up to trace my lips and then the bed dipped slightly as he leaned over to press his mouth to mine. I was too tired to do much more than accept his kisses, but I opened my mouth, inviting him in. His lips were warm against mine, but his tongue was hot as it pushed inside my mouth. Hot and wet and real. He was real, here with me once again in body.

The kiss ended and I snuggled into him, letting him surround me for a change. I didn't inhabit him the way he did me, but I pressed as close as I could and knew that I would always be a part of him. Our souls were bound in ways neither of us could have anticipated, but that I could not now imagine living without. How could I have known that his death would be the birth of something so extraordinary?

The end.

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