author's notes: this is a pre-approved sequel to jen riddler's 'paternity blues'. the title is self-explanatory, it's basically a collection of incidents from tristan's childhood, some short, some longer, each identified by his age at the time.

Snapshots

by saraid
 

one

"Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday to you!"

The tousle-headed child stared at the adults surrounding him, blue eyes wide. Then he caught site of the candle and his hand grabbed unerringly for the flickering flame.

"No....you gotta blow." standing at his side, Jim hunkered down and caught the hand, blowing out his cheeks in demonstration.

"You can do it, little bro!" Blair encouraged from his other side.

With a mighty puff the toddler annihilated the candle,and the resulting cheers urged him to stand up in his high chair, wriggling adroitly out of the restraining strap. Blair caught him and set him on the table beside the cake, giving Jim a grin, and they all watched as Tristan sank both hands into the carrot cake Blair had baked for him, and proceeded to smear himself with cream-cheese icing, getting more on his clothes than in his mouth.

"Oh, good job!" Blair congratulated. When Tris had had his fill Blair scooped him up and headed for the bathroom to clean him off.

He stopped, suddenly, when he saw Naomi stand and begin cutting the cake, portioning it out like a PTA mom.

Jim saw the look in his eyes and stepped over, one finger wiping a smear of frosting off his son's grinning face.

"I never had a birthday party." Blair whispered, so softly only the sentinel could have heard it.

"He wouldn't have if we hadn't planned it." Jim pointed out.

"That's true."

Jim leaned to kiss him, hating to see the hurt in his eyes.

"She probably won't come to another one." he added. Then Tris objected to the kiss, reaching for Jim with his sticky hands and getting the frosting in his short hair. "Oh, yuck." Jim complained. Blair smiled and handed the baby to him.

"You're messier than I am now. That's a first - you clean him up."

That night, after the friends had left and Tris was tucked up in bed with his gifts, sleeping the sleep of the exhausted, the three remaining adults sat in the living room. Jim had a beer while Naomi and Blair were drink some strange-smelling tea.

Blair was studying the greenish-brown liquid in his cup.

"I thought you were going to stay a few days."

"I was, but this came up, you know how it is..." Naomi smiled brightly. "He won't even miss me."

*What about me?* Blair's thought was so clear to Jim he wondered that she didn't hear it.

Standing, Naomi set her cup on the coffee table and came over to her son, where he was sitting beside his lover. She used both hands to tilt his face up to hers, brushing his hair back behind his ears.

"You have Jim, honey, you don't really need me here..."

Jim winced. It sounded like she was passing him off.

"I know." Blair answered softly.

"Maybe you should spend a few days, Naomi." Jim said. The glare Blair shot him would have killed a lesser man.

*What'd I do?* Jim was bewildered.

"Yeah. Spend some time with Jim." Blair pulled away from his mother and stood, going into the bathroom, shutting the door firmly.

Jim listened as his husband stripped and started the shower. He looked at Naomi, questioning.

"That's another reason I can't stay." she smiled.

"He's never going to forgive us." Jim lowered his head.

"He *has* forgiven us...he's just afraid it will happen again."

"It was a special circumstance..can't he see that? I took him back every time he strayed...he came home smelling of other men and I turned a blind eye...I expect the same consideration from him." now Jim sounded miffed.

"But none of them were your mother, Jim."

"This whole thing was *his* idea! 'Jim, you need to have a child. You have a responsibility to the world, to see that your line continues'...he's being a jerk.

"No, Jim, he's not. He's hurt and afraid, but he isn't taking it out on anyone. He's grown a lot in this last year." Naomi smiled, but it was sad. "You've given him the security he needed to do that."

*And I didn't.* Jim read her thought as well. These Sandburgs had such expressive faces.

"Tell him I'll call him when I get into L.A." she picked up her bag.

"Do you want a ride?"

"I have to return the rental car at the airport." she said. "Kiss them both for me, will you, dear?"

"Naomi..." Jim didn't want her to leave like this, sneaking out, but she just smiled.

"Gotta go. People to see, things to do, places to be." she smiled brightly and he realized that, although it was bothering her to leave, it wasn't really hurting her. She was still herself.

"Take care. Call when you get in." he leaned and kissed her cheek, relieved at the lack of response from his body.

Then she was gone.

Blair heard the door open, felt the breeze as Jim pulled back the curtain and poked his head in.

"Want some company?"

"Always." Blair didn't smile.

Jim undressed and climbed in, reaching for him, pulling the smaller man into his arms, hard against him, nuzzling his face into the wet hair.

"It was a nice party." he said.

"Tris had a ball." Blair agreed.

"You never told me you'd never had a birthday party." now Jim held Blair away from him, seeing the calm acceptance in his lover's eyes.

"It's not that big a deal." Blair shrugged. "Can't miss what you've never had. Naomi gave me other experiences."

Jim snorted at that.

The water was beginning to run cold. Blair shivered.

"I think I got all the frosting out of my hair. We should get out."

"And into a warm bed." Jim licked his lips suggestively.

"oh. That sounds good." Jim loved the effect he had on Blair...he could see his lover's knees weakening, hear his heart increase just thinking about going to bed with him...

"Doesn't it?" he stepped out of the tub and swung Blair into his arms, carrying him up the stairs, ignoring his laughing protests.

 

two

"Hi. Mind if I borrow one of those?"

Blair looked up to see a woman leaning over him, a stroller beside her. With a hand on Tris' belly to keep him in place he grabbed a baby-wipe and handed it to her, then watched as she leaned to clean her child's face.

"Looks like we're the first ones here." she sat on the grass beside him while he finished getting Tris snapped up and back onto his feet.

"You're here for the mommy-and-me?" Blair asked while she unbuckled her daughter and set her onto the grass.

"Uh-huh. But I have to admit, I didn't expect to find any guys."

Blair fought down a blush.

"Well, Jim's usually at work in the mornings, and I don't have an early class this semester...so I get to be mommy this time." his smile was cautious. He'd been worrying about how the other parents would react, but it was important to get Tris out there with other kids.

"I imagine you end up being mommy a lot. You seem to be good at it." she didn't ask any questions, just smiled and got out a couple of toys that she lay between the two toddlers. Tris, who had been hanging onto Blair's arm, stepped away and sat beside the girl to play with them.

"I'm Blair, and this is Tristan." Blair offered his hand, cleaned with a baby wipe.

"I'm Elsa, and this is Saraid."

"Saraid...that's an interesting name..." Blair mused, studying her. The woman was slender and supple, with auburn hair braided up so that he couldn't see how long it was. The flowing flowered dress showed her figure and he felt a familiar stir in his groin. "Is it Celtic?"

"Norse." she seemed startled. "But you were close. Mostly I get *what?*."

"I'm an anthropologist...I had a paper published on the matriarchal societies that flourished before the Vikings." he explained with a shrug. "You certainly look the ancestry."

Her eyes were a very soft blue, like an early summer sky.

"I'm glad there's at least one intelligent person in this group. I was afraid they would all be..."

"I know what you mean." he agreed and they shared a laugh.

Mommy-and-me had become the highlight of Blair's day. That two hours every morning spent in the park with Saraid and Elsa made up for the rest of the shit he had to put up with. Not that he didn't love Jim and their life and especially Tristan, but sometimes it all seemed to be dragging him down to mediocrity. Normalcy. Classes and exams and homework and daycare and dishes and groceries and bathtime and stories...he'd become a working mother.

Elsa shared his sense of humor - slightly askew, sometimes a little mean. They shared the failing of the academic, that desire to look down on those not-quite-as-smart as they were. She was a free-lance writer with articles published in several major magazines and newspapers, with interests in anything she felt like studying. A singe mother who'd decided to have a child and did it on her own, she could share some of Blair's worries at being a 'different' parent and how it would affect their children.

Soon they were stopping for a snack after playgroup. Then she invited him to drop by her place one day when his class was cancelled, to surf with her and help her gather information for an article she was working on.

They sat in her living room - she lived in a small house on the outskirts of town, surrounded by trees and empty spaces - while the two toddlers tore the place up. Blair worried, but soon saw that it was well-childproofed and they couldn't hurt each other or themselves.

"They're making quite a mess." he observed when they broke for tea, lemon-grass.

She looked it over and smiled at her daughter, who looked like a tiny elf with her red curls, blue eyes, and tiny form in jeans.

"That's what kids do. They mess it up and we clean it up...until they get big enough to clean it up themselves."

"Then we stop cleaning up after them?" Blair asked with a half-hopeful grin, sitting beside her on the couch.

"Then they start making bigger messes." they laughed together.

"I don't think I've ever laughed as much as I do when I'm with you." she said softly when they were done.

Blair turned his head and saw her eyes on him, intent.

He felt an answer in his own body.

"Elsa..." he barely got the name out before she leaned over and kissed him.

Ahhhh...she tasted good, smelled good, felt good when she pressed herself against him. Blair responded mindlessly, kissing her back, arms going around her.

It was so nice to hold someone smaller than he was...he hadn't realized that he missed that. Being the larger person in the embrace.

After long moments of getting-to-know-you kisses she pulled away, glanced at the kids.

"It's just about her naptime. I could put Tris in the guestbed." she sat away from him, putting her hands in her lap, trying not to push him into anything.

"I..." Blair couldn't meet her eyes. He hadn't meant for this to happen...had he?

What was the big deal. Jim had always forgiven him before, why did this feel different?

Because she was a *woman*. That would make Jim feel... inadequate. Like he wasn't enough for Blair.

"Elsa." Blair started and then sighed as her forehead creased. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I didn't mean to lead you on... Jim is very understanding...but I think this would be pushing his limits."

"He'd get over it." She'd never met Jim, but Blair talked of him often, the words laced with love. "He has before." that was a guess, Blair had never told her that.

"I don't know." Blair took her hand and shook his head, his hair getting into his face. "Maybe it's time I stopped making him."

He looked at Tris, who looked back and grinned at him. From a face so like Jim's that Blair's heart constricted.

"I can't. I'm sorry."

"Is it because I'm a woman? That would be easier to take than because you don't want to."

He shook his head again, raising her hand to press a kiss to the palm.

"I love Jim. And I'm just beginning to realize what our commitment to each other means to me."

She gently pulled her hand away, eyes sad.

"I wish I had met you three years ago. Then she would know her father." she said softly.

Blair closed his eyes, gathering strength, then stood.

"I think I'd better go."

"Your class was canceled." she objected as he began gathering up Tristan's things, tidying as he went.

"I'm going to go to the station, surprise Jim at work. Most of the guys there have never seen Tris."

"Maybe you should." she smiled and began picking up alongside him, automatically sorting toys and puzzle pieces.

"Yeah." he graced her with his sweetest smile. "I should."

Detective Ellison looked up sharply from his paperwork.

Nah. Couldn't be.

But he heard it, it called to him. A heartbeat he knew better than his own, because he listened to it more often. Two heartbeats...without which his heart would stop.

Coming toward him.

He was staring at the door when Blair walked in, Tristan on his hip, the baby holding on to his hair and looking around, wide-eyed.

"Jim." Blair spoke quietly from the doorway. "I hope you don't mind. I wanted to see you."

Officers Neil and Kirkpatrick saw him and were on them in a flash.

"Blair! You brought the baby!" Neil said happily, reaching to stroke Tris' head while Kirkpatrick talked nonsense to him. Tris grinned and chortled, tugging on Blair's hair, making him wince.

Other officers greeted them as they walked to Jim's desk, and Jim suddenly realized that he'd needed this. Needed a reminder that the two sides of his life could occasionally meet.

Blair didn't kiss him, but Jim saw that he wanted to. He also smelled that woman on him, the one he'd been spending so much time with, but no more than usual.

"It's about time you brought him down to meet us." someone said.

"Yeah, we've missed Sandburg." another teased.

Jim met Blair's eyes and smiled, telling him it was okay.

Blair smiled back, glad he'd come.

It was weird to be growing up at twenty-nine.

 

three

"Tristan! Get back here, you little monster! I'm gonna towel you until your head falls off!"

Blair's chase through the living room after the naked three- year-old was halted by the doorbell.

"Huh?" he stopped, looking at the clock. Friday was his early day, he picked up Tris and got him cleaned up so they could go out. Tonight they were taking him to see the original 101 Dalmatians. But it was way too early for Jim to be home.

He felt a brief flash of fear. Their lives had been calm lately...Tristan peeked out from around the corner into the kitchen. Seeing Blair standing still, he crept over.

"Hah!" Blair said with enthusiasm, for Tris' sake, swinging down on him and swooping him up to settle the dripping child on his hip as he went to peek through the spyhole on the door. Jim had put a good one in that gave a 360-view.

There was a woman standing on the landing. A middle-aged black woman, in a suit, carrying a briefcase.

*Saleslady?* Blair thought as he opened the door, taking off the chain.

"Hello. Can I help you?" he asked, but was distracted by Tristan trying to play with his earrings. "Tris, no. Cool it."

"I'm looking for Blair Sandburg or James Ellison?" the woman asked. Her voice was cold.

"I'm Blair Sandburg." he put on his 'polite to those who don't understand' face. "Do you need something?"

"I'm with Child Protective Services. We've had a report concerning Tristan Sandburg?" her dark eyes settled on Tris, his wet naked body clinging to Blair, eyes widening with fear as he realized that there was a stranger staring at him.

Blair felt a rush of dizziness, put a hand on the doorframe to brace himself.

"Excuse me...did you just say you...that...somebody..." he stared, stunned.

"Yes, Mr.Sandburg. There has been a complaint filed concerning the safety of Tristan James Sandburg."

"Uh...I...." *I'm speechless. Jim would be amazed.* Blair thought muzzily.

"May I come in?" she was being correctly polite.

"I - I guess so." Blair held the door and watched the woman walk in, her eyes giving the room a strict once-over before she sat herself on the sofa.

"Blair?" Tristan clung to his brother while Blair stood watching her.

"S'okay, Tris." Blair tried to put him down, but Tris clung to him and began to whine. "Hey, buddy. It's okay." Blair moved the toddler to his chest and cuddled him, suddenly mindful of the fact that Tris was naked and he'd taken his shirt off to bathe him. "Let me just grab his clothes." he told the woman, who still hadn't given her name. "He got out of the tub while I was getting them and I had to chase him...." *Great. Just perfect. That sounded r-e-a-l responsible.*

He stepped into Tristan's room and picked up the towel he'd dropped when the chase started, grabbing the clean underpants, jeans, and miniature Cascade PD sweatshirt Jim had gotten for Tris. All of the cops' kids had them, with their last names on the back, like a sports team.

Coming back into the room he felt her watching him and it frightened him.

He sat on the couch, Tris beside him, and began dressing him. He didn't look at the woman when he spoke to her.

"So, like, what's your name?"

"Beverly Vaughn. I'm a senior investigator." she said, with no inflection.

"Jim should be here in a few minutes." Blair tugged the sweatshirt over Tris' head while he squirmed, then set him on his feet. "Tris, go play with your dinos."

"Story." Tristan turned to glare at him.

"Uh, not now bud. Before bed tonight, 'kay?"

"*Story*." Tris repeated, this time going for puppy-dog eyes. Any other time it would have worked.

"Sorry, bro. Not now, I'll make it up to you, okay?"

Hands on his hips - Blair usually cracked up at that, he looked *so* much like Jim when he did it - Tristan tried a glare, but he was a sensitive boy and realized that Blair was upset about something. So he changed tactics.

"Hug." he demanded, climbing into Blair's lap. Blair couldn't think of anything to do but let him. His arms went around the boy as he fought to suppress an overwhelming urge to clutch him.

Vaughn had watched the entire exchange intently.

"I'd like to ask you a few questions while we wait." she said. "Nothing important. I've been trying to establish the actual relationships involved here."

Blair stared. What should he do? If he refused it would look like he was hiding something. But he might say the wrong thing.

"Um - okay."

Tris was cuddled close to him, feeling Blair's fear.

"Now. You refer to Mr. Ellison as your - husband?" the hesitation was just long enough to let Blair know what she thought of that idea.

"We were married in a civil ceremony in Hawaii."

"That holds no legal status in other states."

"Traditionally other states recognize all marriages performed in any other state. It makes anti-bigamy laws possible." he said it slowly, standing up for himself politely.

"That's a matter for the courts." she said and she sounded amused, cruelly so. "So you consider Mr.Ellison to be your husband...exactly which of you is Tristan's father? The name leads me to believe it's you."

"Jim is his biological father." Blair said slowly. He feared her next question, but it was delayed. Tris was getting bored - being nervous just made him more hyper, as it did Blair - and he'd reached for a favorite toy that was only to be found in Blair's lap. "Tris! Ow!" Blair yelped as the little boy slipped a finger through the nipple ring and tugged on it experimentally. "I've told you before, don't *do* that." he carefully freed the clenched finger, blushing hotly as the woman watched. "He thinks it's pretty..." he mumbled an explanation.

"I'm sure he does." she said coolly.

Blair stood, going to the table and depositing Tristan in his chair, on the phone books Jim had stacked for him.

"I'm figuring we're not going to get to dinner tonight....I think I'll go ahead and get him something." he said, unnerved when she got up and followed him.

"Go right ahead." it sounded like a challenge.

Blair ducked into the freezer and pulled out a plastic container of frozen home-made lasagna. Opening it, he popped it onto a plate and covered it with a paper towel before sticking it in the microwave.

"Suppertime!" Tris chortled.

Blair poured him some milk and set it before him, trying not to look at the intruder in his kitchen.

"Would you like some tea? I'm just going to make some..." he set the kettle on and busied himself with cups and saucers, managing to find a lone regular teabag for her and selecting an exotic herbal blend for himself. Something that would calm him.

When the microwave beeped he pulled out the food, stirred it a little, then picked up Tris' spoon and took a careful bite from the middle.

"Here ya go, bro." he set it and the spoon in front of him. "Not too hot."

She stared at the green noodles covered with red sauce.

"What is that?" there was a hint of real curiosity in her voice. Blair looked at her, but her eyes were still cold.

"Spinach lasagna. I don't eat a lot of meat and I do most of the cooking..." he trailed off, watching Tris.

His head was cocked to one side, he was listening. Before Blair could stop him he scrambled off his seat, knocking the phonebooks to the floor, and ran for the door.

"Daddy's home! Daddy's home!" he sang the words with an excitement too big to control.

Blair finally heard the familiar tread, and went to the door.

Jim opened the door to his favorite sight - well, one of them - and swung Tristan into his arms.

"How's my boy?!" he tickled him, hanging him upside down from his waist, leaning to blow a raspberry on his little pink tummy when his sweatshirt slipped up. Tris squealed with joy.

"Jim."

Blair's single word brought him up sharply. He'd never heard him so frightened, not even after he gotten away from Lasher.

Blair's heart was thundering. He reeked of terror.

"This lady here." Blair gestured at the woman standing in the kitchen watching them. Jim's initial assessment was 'government'. Then he thought; 'burn-out'. "She's from Child Services. Someone's filed a complaint about the way we treat Tris."

Jim's face paled. Blair sympathized with the feeling.

"Mr. Ellison?" Vaughn stepped forward, offered her hand.

"Detective." Jim corrected automatically. Blair winced, hoping she didn't think he was trying to influence her.

"I'm just gonna...." he shrugged toward the stairs, then saw the fear in Jim's eyes, barely hidden by the anger. "I'm gonna get that tea." he went back to the kitchen while Jim led Vaughn back to the sofa.

"Okay. So what's going in here?" he sat stiffly.

"As a police officer you know that we are required to investigate every allegation of abuse."

Blair brought her cup of tea, setting it on the coffee table, with the small ceramic pot of honey and a couple of lemon wedges on the plate.

"Yes, but in the absence of medical reports, an investigation usually begins with a phone call." Jim answered warily.

Blair sat beside him, trying not to show his fear. He wanted nothing more than to press against Jim, climb into his arms the way Tris was.

"Who is your son's mother?" she asked suddenly.

"Naomi Sandburg."

"Is she related to either of you in some other context?"

"She's my mother." Blair didn't look at her as he mumbled it.

"She's *your* biological mother." Vaughn sounded disbelieving.

"Naomi offered to carry the child for us." Jim spoke firmly, not letting a hint of doubt into his voice. He sounded proud.

"And what did your father think of this? Your mother having a child with your...husband?"

There was that hesitation again. Blair knew it was deliberate, and that knowledge made him mad, gave him the courage to look up and meet her eyes, speaking with no shame.

"I don't have a father."

"Everyone has a father. Are your parents divorced?" she pressed. Blair saw Jim's hand make a flickering movement toward his on the sofa cushion, wished he could grab it and cling to it.

"I never knew who my father was." Blair answered, trying not to feel the hurt that still accompanied those words nine times out of ten.

"Ah. So your mother had a child with your homosexual lover and the two of you are raising it."

She made it sound so sick.

Jim grit his teeth.

"Yes."

"I think I have enough information for now." she stood, the tea untouched. "I'll be in touch."

Jim walked her to the door, Blair right behind him.

"So what's going to happen next?" he tried to bite his tongue off, but it was too late, the words were out.

She turned, with an expression dangerously close to a smirk.

"I believe I've seen and heard enough tonight to warrant further investigation. A hearing will be scheduled within the next two weeks."

Blair felt the words like a blow, heard Jim's quick indrawn breath.

"Just a damn minute here." though his voice was low, it was definitely threatening. Blair laid a hand on his shoulder, not caring if she saw, just wanting to keep Jim calm. If he lost his temper it would be the end of them. "What exactly are we being investigated for?"

"It is my professional opinion that this is not a healthy environment for a child." she said. "When I arrived, Mr.Sandburg was only half-dressed and your son was nude."

This time Blair caught himself before he snapped an answer.

"There have been other signs that make me worry for his safety." she said it with a twist to her mouth that some people would call a sneer - Blair among them.

Jim opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut.

"You will be hearing from me." she said, and left.

Jim shut the door behind her, gently.

"oh god." Jim said, walking back to the couch, hugging Tris close. "oh fucking god.'

Blair sat beside him. Jim opened his arms and Blair crawled into them, wrapping the three of them into a bundle. Jim began rocking slowly.

Soon Tris began to feel smothered. He fussed and pulled away and Jim let him go, watching him go back to the table and climb back into his chair to sit on his knees and begin eating his neglected dinner.

Blair was shaking, clinging to him.

"I was just giving him his bath, Jim." he sounded terrified. "I didn't - I wouldn't -!"

"Shhh." Jim soothed him with his hands on his back, his lips in the curly hair. Being strong for Blair gave him another role to play, kept his own fears at bay. "I know. I know, lover. I would never believe that of you."

"What are we going to do?" Blair moaned into his chest.

"We're going to pack our son into the truck and take him to his movie...and get ice cream afterwards." Jim said. "And tomorrow morning I'm going to find a lawyer."

Blair sat with his head on Jim's chest, feeling as if the bottom had dropped out of his world.

"Dr.Sandburg, Mr.Ellison. Please come in." Sheila Masanti was a tiny oriental woman with the delicate beauty of the ancient lines. Beside her even Blair felt tall. Jim felt huge. "Is this Tristan?"

Jim swung the boy down from his shoulder, a favorite perch. There was a corner set up with toys - a Lego table and trucks. He made a beeline for them.

"Thank you for seeing us so soon. I know you're busy." Jim shook her hand. Blair did the same, nervously.

Jim gave him a concerned glance. He knew how Blair felt about the law and lawyers and government involvement in personal matters in the first place.

"No problem. Actually, I don't have anything pressing at the moment, and Simon's an old friend." she sat on a chair, part of an arrangement in front of the desk, a loveseat and two chairs. They sat on the loveseat. Blair took Jim's hand, still so very frightened. Jim was afraid he'd pass out if his heart kept beating like that.

"I haven't had a chance to look over the state's case, they simply don't do business on the weekends, but I gather from what you told me over the phone that this is serious."

"Very." Jim said quietly. Blair lowered his head, studying their hands.

"Dr.Sandburg?" her voice was soothing. "I'm curious. What are you a doctor of?"

"Anthropology." he met her eyes, saw only intelligence and kindness.

"Do you teach?"

"I'm am assistant professor at Rainier."

"Well. Now that I know you better, why don't you tell me just what happened last night?"

Blair took a deep breath. Jim squeezed his hand and smiled down at him, giving him the strength to speak.

He related the events clearly, stopping once or twice to clarify, and finished quickly. Then she asked Jim about a hundred questions before Tris got bored and came over to tug at Blair.

"Build with me?" he said hopefully.

Blair glanced at Jim, then at Sheila.

"I still have things to discuss with both of you, but you can listen while you play." she said gently.

Blair smiled with relief, and followed Tris to the corner, to settle cross-legged. Tris climbed into his lap and Blair reached around him to start stacking Legos.

He listened to Sheila's suggestions. A home study by a good psychologist. Psychological evaluations for all three of them. One for the two of them as a couple.

"If the bulk of the allegations are, as I suspect, aimed at Dr.Sandburg..."

"Blair." he interrupted her, swinging Tris to his hip and coming back to the loveseat, standing at Jim's shoulder. "You keep calling me Dr.Sandburg and I'm liable to give you a test." he smiled shyly.

"...you may want to when you hear what I'm going to suggest." she smiled back, but there was reservation in it.

*Speaking of tests.* Blair thought, not knowing what was coming but sure he wasn't going to like it.

"I can schedule the homestudy and evaluations for Monday, but after that it would be a good idea for you to stay of the home until we get a hearing on this."

Blair jerked like he'd been hit and Jim protested.

"No! What will that prove?"

"It will prove your good faith and prevent them from removing Tristan from the home for his own protection. It doesn't take much to be granted a court order of protective custody, and once they have him it will 200% harder to get him back. Besides the obvious psychological trauma he would suffer." she smiled at Tris, cuddling up to Blair's side.

"This has got to be some sort of bizarre retribution." Blair sank to the loveseat beside Jim. "Should I do it now? Move out tonight?"

"I think you're safe until after Monday. When they see that you're taking this seriously they'll fight harder...but we'll have the jump on them."

"Simon will let me stay at his place." Blair said softly. "Won't he, Jim? I don't want anyone from the university to know about this..."

"No, Blair. You have to talk about it. Tell your friends, the other teachers. They'll be calling them, getting character references...if they don't know it will look like you have something to hide."

"Is there any way to find out who did this?" Jim hissed.

"You know better than that, Detective."

They agreed to the time she set for Monday, and went home.

Jim called Simon while Blair put Tris down for his nap. Getting off the phone Jim heard the unmistakable sound of his lover's tears.

"Blair? Baby?" he was going to Tris' room but Blair came out and pushed past him into the bathroom, shutting the door. "Hey, don't do that." Jim called, hurting for him.

"Leave me alone, Jim. This is all my fault." he heard Blair's sobs become deeper, painful. Unable to bear it he pushed through the unlocked door and gathered him into his arms.

Blair resisted momentarily, then clung to him like Tristan did when he was frightened, face pressed to his chest, hands knotting the material of Jim's shirt.

"Don't say that. This isn't your fault. You haven't done anything wrong." Jim pleaded with him.

"I could have - c-cut my hair. Lost the earrings...fuck, she saw him playing with the fucking nipple-ring, for gods' sake!" Blair pushed away from Jim, eyes wild, hair tangled. "No, I just had to be myself...no matter who it hurt...free-spirit to the end...."

Jim reached out and wrapped a finger through a long curl.

"I love your hair. I can't imagine you without it." he whispered, fingers going to stroke Blair's cheekbones. "They would have found something no matter what we did, you know that. It's a witchhunt."

Blair stared at him, his eyes so wide, so vulnerable, swimming with tears.

"I want to believe that...gods, Jim, I do. But I'll leave. I will. Before I let them take him and put him in some foster home somewhere....I'll go away and never see either of you again." his voice broke when he said it but Jim knew he meant it.

He reached for Blair, pulled him back into his arms, held him tightly.

"I know you would, I know you would." he murmured, kissing his head as Blair sagged against him. "But I don't think I can live without you. I know I can't raise him alone."

The embrace changed when Blair shifted against him, pressing and rubbing, lifting himself on his toes to offer himself to Jim, moaning softly.

"Jim...make love to me, please...I'm so scared."

"Blair...anything you want. I'll do anything you want."

Carefully Jim gathered him close and they walked up the stairs together, silently.

In the bright light from the skylight Jim undressed his lover, urging Blair with hands and words to be still, to let Jim give to him.

Then he stripped himself and lay down over Blair, covering the smaller man with his body, holding only a part of it on his elbows, knowing how Blair liked to feel his weight.

"aaaaa..." Blair hissed, body moving sensuously. "Jim...."

"easy, easy..." Jim wrapped a hand in his hair and tilted Blair's head back, smiling when he closed his eyes and offered his throat. Jim licked his way from his chin down, then across his collarbones, then lower, to suckle on the nipple ring, feeling the taste of metal sharp in his mouth, his body responding that that well-known stimuli with a sudden increase in pressure.

Their hips were grinding gently together, cocks pressed tight. Blair was caressing Jim's ass, fingers trailing, stroking, then digging into the firm muscles.

"Love me..." he panted as Jim tortured his chest, his lover's big hand holding his hips tightly. "love me, Jim, please..."

Jim's response was a drawn-out moan as he half-lifted off Blair's body and searched under the pillow for the tube of lubricant. Blair whimpered at the loss, Jim's hand still in his hair, holding him still, and then Jim settled back on his knees and pulled Blair so his thighs rested on them and their cocks rubbed close together.

Blair grabbed his shoulders, pulled himself to sitting position, burying his face at Jim's neck, whimpering, Jim's slick fingers beginning to open him.

"Closer...." he bit Jim's shoulder when the fingers were removed and Jim lifted his hips, bringing him swiftly down on the length of his erection.

Blair wrapped his legs around Jim's waist and smothered his scream with another shoulder bite.

They sat for long minutes, both too shocked by the intense feelings to move.

Jim used a hand in Blair's hair to tug him off his shoulder, looking into his eyes.

"I love you. No matter what happens I will always love you." he whispered.

"Jim..." Blair was crying silently, tears rolling down his cheeks. "Jim."

Unable to find the words to express his emotion, Blair leaned forward and kissed him, open-mouthed, not with need, but to bond.

Jim grabbed Blair's hips and began moving him as they kissed, tongues wrapped around each other, lips so tight together that they became one.

Blair's cock was tight between them. He shifted slightly, moved, then added his motion to Jim's. Jim felt the damp warmth of his tears drip on his face as they continued kissing and moving slowly.

It was over too soon.

Blair gave a little gasp and froze. Jim pulled him closer, thrust once more and joined him.

They fell sideways, still together, still holding and kissing.

They didn't stop until Tris woke from his nap and called up to them.

The home visit went well. The psychological evaluation made Blair nervous, but he got through it without resorting to sarcasm or flippancy to cover his fear. Then it was Monday night and he was packed to go stay at Simon's.

Jim held him tightly, afraid to let him go. *Would he ever come back?*

They hadn't made love since Saturday afternoon. Blair had been too frightened, too upset to do more than cuddle.

Jim couldn't bear to let him go without a kiss, but Blair pulled away before it got serious. He was sure they were being watched.

He walked down the stairs, not looking back. But Jim stood and listened as Blair spoke so that only he could hear him.

If love be so strong
and love be true
if the sun still rises
and the moon shines through
the tides will come
and the storm will spew
and all I am will return to you.
And all I am will return to you.
 

Jim wiped tears from his eyes while Tris stared after Blair, confused. Why was Daddy crying?

It was an agonizing ten days. Blair had sworn to have no contact with Jim or Tris. He found himself ready to break that time and again. Only Sheila and Simon's daily reports held his resolve.

His body ached at night. He lay in the lonely bed thinking, wanting desperately to be held, knowing Jim was doing the same thing across town. One night it was so bad that he got up and began pacing, not wanting to go out into the house and wake Simon, but Simon heard him anyhow, and came to him.

Simon was kind and supportive. When he laid a hand on Blair's arm to turn him as he cried, he knew that he was going to have to hold him, to comfort him. And he did so, gladly.

"If Jim were here he would do this for you." he told Blair quietly as the younger man sobbed. "I do it for both of you."

Tristan had a bad time of it. He asked for Blair constantly after the second night, and soon Jim wasn't able to get him to sleep.

"He needs Blair's stories. Blair sings to him every night, too." he told Sheila when she asked what the problem was. "Bedtime has always been his area."

The day of the hearing was cold and dark. It suited Blair's mood.

They went by the loft. Simon was coming to testify on their behalf, as a character witness, and his ex-wife Jonan, who liked and respected Jim, was going to watch Tristan.

Blair waited until the car door closed - he in the back with Jim - and then threw himself into his arms.

There were no words between them. They just held each other, their tears exhausted. As Simon pulled into a parking space Jim kissed Blair, long and hard.

"Whatever happens, I will always love you." he said.

Blair nodded, his fear obvious. Jim could smell it, hear it, taste it in his mouth.

The state tried to present Blair as a wild thing, a perverted anarchist, and Jim as an enabler who was too blinded by his lover's beauty to see the truth. Sheila pointed out the lack of hard evidence. Their psychologist testified and was much more convincing than the state's, who had only their records to go on. Though she'd been invited, a home visit had never been scheduled.

Then the character witnesses began lining up, one by one, each testifying to the love Jim and Blair shared and their commitment to Tristan and each other...students had come, volunteered to talk about Dr.Sandburg, what a great teacher he was, how he always made time to help when someone was in trouble, his care far exceeding the normal standards of teaching. A former student who had graduated the year before had been called by a friend. She came to tell how Blair had helped her after her parent's death - he'd walked her through the funeral proceedings, made the arrangements for her relatives to come, finagled the money from the department budget to fly her grandmother to her, attended the funeral with her, got her an extension on her finals...she was in medical school now and stressed that she wouldn't be if it hadn't been for Blair.

Sheila smiled sweetly at Vaughn as the parade continued. The judge agreed that she had a right to bring as many witnesses as she needed.

Jim listened with his heart full. He knew that Blair was constantly helping people, had even grumbled about it on occasion, but now he saw that many people knew what he knew - Blair was simply a good person.

The state argued that this didn't preclude being abusive, that it was in fact a smokescreen. They criticized his toilet- training technique ('lead by example'), even ranted about the fact that their bedroom didn't have door, without bothering to mention that it was up a flight of stairs.

Finally the judge asked them to stand so he could ask a few questions of his own.

He asked where Naomi was. They told him that she was in Central America somewhere and they hadn't been able to reach her, but they had a statement from the organization she was currently working for - Save the Children.

He asked how they had met. Blair let Jim answer that one, a little smile playing on his lips as he listened to his lover's words.

They had married because they wanted to make that commitment to each other. They'd had Tristan because they wanted the experience of raising a child and because they thought they had something to offer the world.

He listened to them with a blank face and cautious eyes.

Then he went to chambers and they had to wait.

In the hallway Blair paced while Jim watched him, looking far too calm.

Blair stopped every few steps and met Jim's eyes. Jim smiled encouragement. Blair sighed and paced some more. Sheila and Simon watched the exchange repeat several times. Simon shook his head.

"I've never known Jim happier than he's been with Blair." he confided to Sheila.

Across the hall Vaughn watched with narrowed eyes.

When they were called back in Jim took Blair's hand and held it tightly, squeezing hard enough to hurt, but Blair didn't object.

They stood before the judge, hand-in-hand. Blair would have pulled his away, worried about flaunting, but Jim held firm.

"Frankly, I can only consider this case to be one of state- sanctioned harassment." the judge said sternly, looking down at them. "Other than your sexual preference, I don't see one single thing that evens begins to cast doubt on your patenting."

Blair tensed, sure this was it. The worst was coming.

"Taking that into consideration, I believe that the two of you have both taken reasonable and practical precautions to prevent that status from bringing harm to the child."

Blair sagged with an audible sob. Unsteady, he stepped closer and leaned on Jim, aware of tears in his eyes. Jim put an arm around his waist, half-supporting him.

"I hereby dismiss the motion for the removal of the minor child Tristan James Sandburg from the home of his biological father and half-brother, James Ellison and Blair Sandburg respectively."

Blair and Jim hugged each other, Jim hugged Sheila while Blair hugged Simon.

Blair's students were cheering loudly.

The judge called for quiet. Worried, Blair turned and made shushing motions with his hands. The students quieted.

"I'm going to conclude this case with something I have never done before. Something I have never felt the need to do before."

He addressed Vaughn.

"I am issuing a reprimand to the Child Protective Services office in general and to Caseworker Vaughn in particular, for their continued insistence in pursuing this case. I do not expect to see another case like this before my bench again."

He slammed the gavel and Blair realized that it was over.

While hugging Jim and accepting the congratulations of the students and friends, he saw Vaughn slip out of the room and shivered at the hatred in her eyes.

He vibrated as the crowd left. Jim had planned a victory celebration at the loft and they were all headed there.

"She's going to keep coming after us." he told Jim, safe in the haven of his arms but still afraid. "I know she is. The next judge might feel the same way she does."

"She can try." Sheila said gently, taking his hand. "There was a new law passed just last year, specifically for family courts. It was designed to prevent just what you're talking about. People used to go judge-shopping, trying to find judges who agreed with their standards. They can't do that anymore. Family court judges are on the bench for life and once a case is assigned to them they keep it forever."

"So if this ever comes up again we'll get the same judge?" Jim heaved a deep sigh. "That's great."

"It means she probably won't try. If she even has a job after this fiasco. You know, he gave you room to sue. When the judge says things like 'state-sanctioned harassment', he's handing it to you on a silver platter."

Walking down the steps, they exchanged glances.

"I don't think so." Jim said with a small grin.

"Once was enough." Blair agreed.

"I had a feeling you'd say that." she smiled. Then it widened into a grin. "It's a good thing he met you first, Blair. Or I would have made a play for you."

They both laughed as Blair blushed deeply, but he laughed with them.

Then Jim kissed him on the courthouse steps, uncaring of the newspaper cameras that began flashing.

 

four

"Daddy, do I *have* to go to school today?"

Jim looked up from his coffee and at his small son, who was playing with his cereal, splashing milk on the placemat and making a mess. Blair was watching the two of them. His heartbeat was a little elevated, he seemed tense.

"Do you feel sick, Tristan?"

"I wanna stay with Blair." those blue eyes, wide in that tiny face...Jim still wondered if he did that on purpose, though Blair claimed he didn't. Not yet, at least.

"School is important, son." Jim stood and reached to ruffle his hair. They would have to get it cut soon, it was almost brushing his shoulders. He didn't want his son looking like a girl...

Jim let the thought trail off and glanced at Blair, who was watching him with an intent look on his face.

*He knows what I'm thinking. Damn, that wasn't fair.*

"I've got to get to work. Blair will take you to school like always, won't you, Blair." Jim didn't wait for a response, just stepped around to give Blair a quick kiss, not noting the lack of response as anything more than usual morning grumpiness, and was out the door.

"Blair?" Tristan climbed out of his chair and came around the table, where Blair pulled him up into his lap, stroking his soft hair. It wasn't as curly as his own and lighter, the same shade as Jim's, and so very soft.

"I have an idea. Why don't we take you for a haircut, and then maybe we can hang out at the zoo or something?"

"Can we see the snow leopards?"

"Do you want to?" Blair teased now, hoisting him under the arms and turning him over in the air, grinning at his delighted giggle.

"Yes! They're *'dangered*, you know."

"Yes, they're an endangered species. And the zoo lets them have babies so there will be more of them. Are they your favorite?" he stood and settled the boy on his hip expertly and carried him into his bedroom.

"Maybe. I like the elephants and the 'rillas too..."

"You get your shoes and jacket on and I'll go clean up the breakfast mess. It's a race, okay?"

Tristan scrambled onto his bed, grabbing for his sneakers.

"I'm gonna win!" he shouted as Blair left the room.

"Not a chance!" Blair said quietly, listening for a response. But Tris either hadn't been listening or was too caught up in what he was doing to answer.

Tris won, mostly because of the mess he'd made with his breakfast.

"Daddy!" Tristan lurched out of Blair's lap, Blair adroitly moving the books he threatened to spill, and rushed to his father. "Lookit my hair! Blair said you would like it. I was quiet an' good an' I didn't fuss, Blair said you would be proud of me."

"I am, I am." Jim scooped him up in his arms, burying his nose in the little neck to blow a raspberry that made him squeal and squirm. Jim inhaled deeply, loving the scent of him, freshly bathed and ready for bed. "Was Blair reading you stories?"

"Tiger stories, daddy! There are *lots* of them!"

Jim sat on the loveseat, listening to his son chatter on, and Blair stood to get his dinner out of the oven, where it had been keeping warm. They were following the usual pattern for a night when Jim worked late...he ate with Tris to keep him company while Blair left the two of them alone for some private time.

After he got Tris tucked up into bed, with the requisite drink of water and extra hug, Jim settled in to watch CNN. Blair brought him a beer and returned to the lecture he'd been working on, sitting on the corner of the couch, laptop balanced on crossed legs.

Engrossed in his work, he didn't notice the time until Jim clicked the TV off and came over, stood looking down at him.

He glanced up and sighed inwardly.

Jim was pissed.

Blair sighed aloud, taking off his glasses, folding them and putting them on the coffee table behind Jim, leaning to do it.

"Go ahead." he sat back, closing the laptop, hands sedately in his lap. "Get it over with." "What the hell did you think you were doing?" Jim snarled. "I called the school to see if I might take him to lunch and they said he never came in today. If they hadn't said they called you I would have flipped."

"You could have called me." Blair stubbornly refused to offer any defense.

"I shouldn't have needed to. I said he was going to school today. I expected you to take him there!"

"So write it down next time." Blair opened up the laptop again, fingers moving nimbly over the keys. "May be I'll get the message then."

He could feel Jim's anger, a living thing. Clenching his jaw, he stoically ignored it and kept typing.

It took Jim a full two minutes to reply.

"I didn't think I needed to."

"Yeah?" Now Blair looked up and let his own anger show. "Well, I thought I was more than a babysitter."

"What the hell does that mean?" Jim snapped.

"It means I'm tired of always bowing to your superior wisdom when it comes to Tris. Believe it or not, I vaguely remember my childhood and have some grasp of what I should and shouldn't do." Blair went back to the computer, tuning Jim out.

Too angry to talk rationally, Jim still recognized the set of his shoulders. Blair had decided he wasn't going to talk about this now and nothing under heaven was going to make him.

"Dammit." he said it quietly. "I'm going to bed."

"Goodnight." Blair didn't even look up. Didn't offer him a smile or a kiss or anything else.

*He's really angry.* Jim was startled to realize it.

But he didn't know just how angry Blair was until he woke later in the night, the space next to him that should have been filled with Blair's warmth cold and empty.

Now torn between anger and worry, Jim padded silently downstairs. Blair wasn't on the couch, but his ears, so attuned to his lover, led him right to Tristan's room, where Blair was curled around the little boy on the twin bed, both of them tangled in the bedclothes, Blair in his boxers and a t-shirt.

Jim just stared for long minutes and then went back upstairs, to spend the rest of the night re-evaluating his recent behavior.

"You were right."

Blair looked up, surprised to see Jim up so early on a Saturday. He and Tris were camped out on the floor in front of the TV, eating granola and watching cartoons.

Jim thought he never looked better. Sprawled the way he was, legs slightly apart, boxers riding up a bit in the back, Blair had taken off his shirt after Tris spilled milk on it. Tris was lying on his brother's back and Blair's tangled hair was settled to his shoulders, getting in his eyes as he stared at Jim.

"Can I get that in writing?"

Jim sat on the floor beside them. Taking advantage of this unique opportunity, Tris climbed off Blair's back to crawl over and into his lap.

"It's the Tick, daddy!"

"Why is he blue?" Jim asked conversationally, listening to his son's chattered reply while splitting his attention to watch Blair.

His lover rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows, hair still in his face.

"I was a jerk." Jim said softly. "He's as much yours as mine and I shouldn't be the one making all the decisions."

"He's your son." Blair said steadily.

"And yours. Brother, son, the age difference is so great they're the same to him. You do things differently than I do, but that doesn't mean you do them badly."

Blair watched him for a minute, then shrugged.

"Okay."

"Okay?" Jim shifted Tris from his lap. Caught up in the animated figures onscreen, he didn't even object. "Is this an 'I forgive you and now everything will be fine' okay, or an 'I'm just saying it because I don't want to talk about it anymore but I don't really believe you' okay?"

Blair grinned reluctantly.

"More of the former, I think."

"Good. Then I'm going back to bed." Jim began to stand, but Blair's hand on his leg stopped him.

"Hey, dad. I have an idea. Why don't *you* stay up and watch cartoons with the kid and *I'll* go back to bed."

Jim sat back down, startled.

"Well, yeah. I guess I could do that."

"About time." Blair lessened the sting of the words by leaning over to kiss him. It was meant to be reassuring but soon became something more.

"Whew." Blair teased when he pulled away. "If I'd known the Tick turned you on that much I'd have gotten you down here sooner."

"You know this kid takes a nap every afternoon at one." Jim said slowly.

"So.....?" Blair stood.

"So take a very long nap and I'll come wake you."

"I think I can do that." the look Blair gave him set his skin on fire and Jim had to roll to his stomach, offering Tristan his back, which he promptly climbed on, little heels digging into Jim's sides as he giggled and Blair disappeared up the stairs.

"Wee, daddy! I'm a pony express rider!" Tris exulted.

"And where are you going with that mail?" Jim asked.

Upstairs Blair heard the squeal as he closed his eyes, holding Jim's pillow close to him.

It wasn't the first time they would conflict over Tris, but it had turned out well and he was encouraged.

They had done the right thing, having him.

 

five

"Daddy! Why are you hurting Blair?!"

"Oh, shit..." Blair moaned, quivering beneath Jim's heavy body. Jim pushed up on his arms and grabbed for the covers, pulling them up over them both, sliding out of and off Blair and pulling him close. Blair's erection pushed against him and his lover stifled another moan.

Tris was standing at the head of the stairs, eyes wide and frightened, clutching a blue stuffed toy, his favorite cartoon character, the Tick, to his chest.

"I'm okay, Tris." Blair held out his arms and his brother climbed over Jim to cuddle on them.

"You were making lots of noise. It sounded like he was hurting you." Tris sat up and Jim flinched when he got too close to his erection, quickly moving the boy higher up on his chest.

"Sometimes people make noise when things feel good and they just sound like they're hurting." Blair explained carefully, feeling Jim's eyes hot on him.

"So daddy was making you feel good?" Tris bounced, unaware of Jim's wince.

"Very good, Tris." Blair rubbed his head. "And if you go back down to bed he can finish making me feel good."

"Can he make me feel good too?"

Blair caught Jim's grimace. He knew Jim loved him, never questioned that, but also knew that Jim didn't want to choose for his son. Didn't want him to have to face the hatred and prejudice they still had to deal with.

"He makes you feel good in other ways, Tris. When he gives you pony rides or takes you to the park, that makes you feel good, doesn't it?"

"But I don't make noises like that." Tris closed his eyes and imitated Blair's moans. Both men glanced at each other and then burst into laughter.

"No, no you don't." Blair agreed. "But you do make noises like *this*..." he began to tickle Tris, which made him giggle and squeal, wiggling, which made Jim squirm, and they all laughed.

"Those are your noises, Tristan." Jim lifted his son and set him on the floor beside the bed. "So you go back to bed and I can finish making Blair make his noises."

"'Kay." Reassured, Tris carefully climbed back down the stairs, both parents watching.

Blair looked at Jim, who was listening.

"He in bed?"

"Just getting there." Jim said, then sighed and turned over. "Maybe we should have his room soundproofed."

"Maybe I should get a gag." Blair grinned to show he was teasing, but Jim looked thoughtful.

He rolled suddenly, on top of Blair, dicks aligning, both unable to resist the urge to rub. Blair bit his lower lip, teeth digging in, hands going to Jim's hips, urging him on.

"And a blindfold. And some handcuffs..." Jim whispered into his ear, tongue pulling on an earring.

"You *have* handcuffs." Blair groaned, throwing his head back to gasp. "Oh, damn, *Jim*. Just shoot me."

"Turn over." Jim raised up and Blair did, not needing any urging. "Here." Blair accepted the pillow he offered, scrunching it up in his face to smother the shout of relief he gave when Jim finally entered him.

"Shhhh. Shhhh, Baby." Jim leaned over him, kissing his back gently, hands tracing delicate circles on his smooth skin. Blair shuddered underneath him, wanting nothing more than to surge back and take all of him, screaming his pleasure to the world, but instead he lay there, quivering, silent, as Jim slowly...so slowly...made love to him.

 

six

"Hey, Ellison. That your boy?"

Jim looked up from his plate of food. In the park before them he saw his son hanging upside down on the monkey bars, Blair right beside him, shirt hanging in his face, surrounded by giggling children.

"Which one?" Jim answered with a smile. The questioner was one of the Medical Examiners, a man he knew to be friendly but whose name he didn't quite recall.

"He does act like a kid, doesn't he."

Samlin. That was it. Jim took another bite of his barbecue sandwich, grinning.

"That's why I love him."

"I heard that." the man didn't look uncomfortable. "You know, I was wondering...why you guys came out."

Jim thought about it. It was a pretty personal question, but he could tell from the man's heartbeat and respiration that it was important to him.

"We didn't want to hide." he shrugged. "It took us so long to realize we loved each other..life's too short, y'know?"

Samlin was quiet, thoughtful. Jim continued eating, watching while Blair flipped gracefully down to the ground and began swinging Tris in circles, holding him by the arms, the other kids lining up for a turn. He was glad they had come to the station picnic, although it had taken a lot of encouragement from Simon to get them there. Blair had been pretty nervous, but he seemed to have gotten over it.

"My son just told me." the man beside him said softly. "I really wish he hadn't."

"Is he in love?" Jim asked, wondering why the man had come to him with this.

"He says he is. Wants me to come over and meet his... boyfriend."

"Are you going to?"

He shrugged lightly.

"I don't know. Jeremy is my only child, my wife died years ago...I don't want to lose him."

"All you can do is love him." Jim said, putting his plate aside. There were a couple of parents headed for Blair and the kids. Parents Jim knew might cause trouble.

"I remember what people said when you married him." Samlin stood beside him. "I don't want him to go through that."

"It's not your decision." Jim gave him a brief smile. "Listen, just call him and tell him what you just told me. I'm sure you can work something out."

He left before the man had a chance to thank him.

Jim swore silently to himself. The men that were approaching Blair couldn't be up to any good. One was the president of the Police Union Christian Organization, the other a traffic cop with an attitude that had harassed Blair a few months back when he'd run into him on a night out with a study group.

Blair saw them coming and carefully put down the little girl he was swinging, stepping away from the kids to meet them. Jim didn't really have to listen to hear his heartbeat speed up. Blair hated confrontations.

"Look, we know you're just trying to be nice, but maybe it would be better if you stayed away from the kids."

"I don't see you out here playing with them." Blair said calmly, trying not to be defensive. He thought *Where is Jim?* and then got mad at himself for thinking it. He could handle this without his husband's help.

"Well, we have no reason to hang around with other people's children."

Blair bristled at the implications of that, but then felt a presence behind him. He turned his head, expecting Jim, slightly surprised to see Simon standing there.

"Hi, Simon!" Tristan attached himself to the captain's leg with a grin. The other kids followed suit, and soon he had four or five clinging to him.

"Popular today, Simon?" Blair couldn't help a grin. Simon's son, Darryl, a tall, athletic teen, was standing off to one side, watching.

"I'm never this popular at the station." Simon replied.

"I wonder why?" Jim's voice boomed with forced humor as he came up and stood beside Blair, who had to resist the urge to lean against him. He caught his breath with relief when Jim's arm came around his waist. Public displays of affection weren't Jim's style, but he was grateful facing the hatred in the two pairs of eyes facing him. Now he did lean into him, just a little, and felt Jim tighten his arm.

*Blair was really spooked.* Jim felt the pressure against his side and heard his heartbeat, too fast.

"George, Mark." he smiled at the two men. "Have you met my son, Tristan?"

Tris beamed up at them from his seat on Simon's foot.

"Daddy! Blair was swinging us." he said. Sensitive to the nuances of the situation, he glanced at Jim, suddenly worried.

"Are you mad about something, daddy?" he released Simon and stood in front of his parents, hands on his hips as he tried to figure what was wrong.

"No, nothing's going on that I need to be mad about." Jim said quietly, looking at the two men. He felt the weight of Simon's gaze added to his own. Blair just watched, feeling safe.

"Have you tried the barbecue?" Simon asked.

Blair glanced around, seeing several other people heading their way.

George looked rebellious. Blair leaned down and spoke to Tris.

"Head, little dude. Why don't you go to the truck and get my soccer ball? We'll have a game."

"Yeah!" Tris shouted. He turned and ran off, the smaller children following him.

"Born leader, just like his dad." Blair said. "Can I recommend some light reading for you guys? Since you obviously have no idea what you're talking about."

"We know exactly what we're talking about." Mark hissed.

"Then go talk about it somewhere else." Jim said. "We're here to have fun, not argue semantics with people like you."

"And we don't think we should have to work with people like *you*." George retorted.

"Then don't." Jim shrugged. "We're not going anywhere."

"It would be best if you didn't cause any trouble." Simon spoke up with authority. "You know the departmental policy on discrimination."

"That doesn't cover fags." Mark spat.

"Not yet." Jim said, and it came out like a threat.

"You want to take me on, funny boy?" George was a big guy, bigger than Jim, heavy-set, with a reputation for meanness.

"You're not worth the effort." Jim turned to Simon, suddenly tired. "Maybe we should go."

"Hey. I told the kids I'd play soccer with them." Blair objected quietly. He wasn't the sort to fight about something, but he wasn't going to crawl away with his tail between his legs either.

"He's right, Jim." Simon smiled. "I'll take care of these guys. You go on and have fun."

They all turned away from the two troublemakers, as if they weren't even there.

"How about we go get a beer and then watch the game." Jim suggested, feeling Blair draw away from him to greet the returning children. Reassured, he didn't need Jim's presence anymore.

When they got back ten minutes later Blair had drafted Darryl to be captain of one team while he was captain of the other. They had picked sides and agreed on boundaries and were starting to play. Parents were lining up to shout encouragement, two fathers serving as goalies.

George and Mark were standing with Mark's wife and two small children staring with disgust. The two little girls were dressed up in frills, and stood very quietly beside their parents, looking unhappy.

"I guess I'm just lucky I didn't have a girl." Jim confided to Simon. "I wouldn't have known what to do with one."

"I imagine Blair would have figured it out." Simon grinned as Jim's lover took a swipe at the ball, t-shirt pulling out of his shorts, and fell gracefully onto the grass, immediately tackled by Tris. His cry of objection; "Hey! Wrong game! And you're on my team!" rang out with Tris' bright laughter as Blair tossed him off and jumped up to charge once more into the fray.

 

seven

"Tris? Dude, what's wrong?" Blair went around the corner into the small room nervously. He hadn't set foot in Tristan's school since he started kindergarten.

Lying very still on the small cot, Tristan opened his eyes and groaned softly.

"Blair, I'm *sick*."

"I know you are, buddy." Blair knelt beside him and felt his forehead. "Wow."

The school nurse came in, handing Blair Tristan's backpack. "He's been complaining of a stomach-ache, and we took his temp. It was 101."

"Oooh, boy. Bet that hurts." Blair stroked the small forehead.

"We tried to reach his father, but the station said he was out on a case. You're listed as the alternate emergency contact, so we called you."

"Thanks." Blair said absently, leaning and gathering Tris into his arms, feeling the heat of the little body through his shirt.

"I was just wondering..." the woman smiled briefly when Blair dropped a kiss to the hot little head. "You're his uncle, maybe?"

Blair glanced at her, then met her eyes.

"I'm his *other* father." he said, watching for a reaction. "Jim is my husband."

"Oh." She seemed to be thinking about that. Blair walked past her. As he left the room he heard her when she sorted it out. "Oh!"

"C'mon, little dude." Blair whispered to Tris, quiet in his arms. "Let's get you to the doctor."

"Blair!" Jim burst into the emergency room with a shout. Blair stuck his head around the corner of the curtain that sectioned off Tris's bed and motioned to him.

"In here, Jim."

Jim dashed over, almost running down a nurse, and threw himself into the room.

Blair was sitting on the bed beside Tris, who was lying very quiet, a blanket over him, an IV line running into the back of his delicate hand.

Blair turned and caught Jim by the arm.

"Shhhh. I just got him to sleep. It took them a couple of tries to get the IV in and it hurt alot."

"What's wrong with him?" Jim leaned down and grabbed Blair in a hug that the younger man returned full-force.

"Just a bad flu, the doctor thinks. His fever was pretty high so I brought him here instead of going to the doctor and waiting to get in."

"Good." Jim squeezed him. "God, I was so scared when I got back and got your message."

"He's going to be fine." Blair stood and embraced the larger man, giving him a full-body hug. Jim lay his head on Blair's hair and sighed.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." he sighed.

Blair raised his head and gave him a gentle kiss.

"Starve. The doctor's waiting for some blood tests. He probably won't have to be admitted, but we have to wait until they get back."

"Okay, then." Jim sat in the chair beside the bed and Blair returned to his position on the bed beside the sleeping child. Their clasped hands hung in the air between them.

"So what were you working on?" Blair asked conversationally, seeing how upset Jim still was. "You didn't mention anything undercover." Sometimes he missed working at the station with Jim, but he loved what he did, and Jim didn't really need him there anymore, he had his senses under control now.

Jim began telling him about the new case that he'd gotten that morning when he went in and Blair listened, watching as he stroked Tristan's hair, squeezing his hand occasionally.

And that's how the doctor found them almost two hours later.

 

twelve

Though Jim and Blair were married, Blair had stayed away from Tristan's school functions, to lessen the chance that Tris would be persecuted. When he started junior high Tris talked to him about it.

"I want you there." he insisted, holding out his junior honor society invitation. "You deserve to be there as much as dad does."

"Tris, you know I'd love to come." Blair took it and his eyes lit up with pride. "But kids are really mean at your age -- I don't want them to start on you."

"I'm tired of lying." Tris sulked. "I don't invite anybody over, you never come to school to meet my teachers or anything."

Blair crouched down in front of the couch. It had been new several years ago, after Tris got past the 'spilling everything' stage, but he thought absently that they could use another one now.

"I'm just protecting you." he said softly.

"Maybe it's time you stopped." Tris met his eyes. "I'm ready to deal with this now. I want to stand beside you and say 'this is my brother, my father'. They raised me."

Blair blinked, his eyes filling with tears suddenly.

"I'll talk to your dad about it."

He did. And they had agreed that it was time for Tris to make that decision for himself.

Tris invited his best friend over to stay the night that weekend. Jim was been out on a case, Blair was great fun. He'd ordered pizza and played *Magic* with them, letting both boys build a deck from his collection of the trading/playing cards, and took them to rent videos.

It had become obvious that he was worried when Jim wasn't home by ten. A call to the station was fruitless.

Tristan hadn't told his friend about his parents. But Jonn had always seemed like an open-minded fellow. They'd been friends for years, and Tris knew why Jonn didn't invite him over to his place -- his dad had a drinking problem.

Jonn was curious, giving Blair funny glances as he cleaned the kitchen and fussed nervously. Tris had introduced him only as 'my brother Blair'.

It was almost one when the door opened and Jim, obviously worn out, wandered in.

"You okay?" Blair caught him by the shoulder, feeling the eyes of the boys on him.

"Just tired." Jim sighed. Tristan got up and came over, Jon following.

"Dad. This is Jon. Blair said he could stay the night."

"That's nice, son." Jim slipped an arm around Blair's waist, ignoring his slight headshake. "You guys going to get any sleep tonight?"

"We hadn't planned on it." Tris gave Jon a sideways glance to see how he reacted as Jim leaned on Blair, more tired than he wanted to admit.

"That's fine. Just clean up any mess you make." Jim hugged him one-armed, then turned to Blair. "I'm going to bed. You coming?"

Blair smiled and Tris grinned along with him. Blair's smile was contagious.

"Yeah. I'll be right up."

Tris was looking at Jon when Jim leaned to brush a kiss over Blair's mouth. His friend blinked and shrugged.

Blair cornered him in the kitchen a minute later, after Jim left.

"You want me to talk to him?" he nodded at Jon.

"I can handle it." Tristan said with mock annoyance. "Go to bed. Dad's waiting."

Blair hugged him and went upstairs. Tristan went back to the couch, carrying a bowl of microwave popcorn.

"So, your dad's gay?" Jon asked without looking at him.

"My brother too."

"I kinda figured that."

Jon was quiet for a while and Tris got nervous.

"It doesn't bother you?"

"Not as long as you don't make a pass at me." Jon turned and grinned ruefully. "Hey. It's better than *my* dad, y'know."

"Yeah. I know."

His life changed after that, a lot, but he hadn't minded. He was proud of both of them, glad to be their son. When they had a career day at school that year he asked Blair to come, not Jim.

"Dad comes every year. There are at least ten other kids who have cops as parents. But none with doctors of anthropology."

"Is this a status thing?" Jim had teased. "I thought cops were cool now."

"Yeah, but you never lived with an aborigine tribe or learned to speak M'bongda'tey." Blair countered.

"I want Blair this time, dad." Tristan begged. "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings or anything. I want him to meet my teachers. He's never even seen the school."

"I drive by it every once in a while." Blair deadpanned. Tris hit him in the shoulder.

"Ow! Sorry, sorry, couldn't resist."

"I'll tell the teacher tomorrow, okay?"

They gave in.

"Blair Sandburg." Mr.Meneer had looked up. "Your brother?"

"Among other things." Tristan shrugged, awkward. "He's married to my dad, so he counts as a parent."

"He's married to your dad."

"Yeah. They've raised me since I was born."

"Uh-huh." Tristan met the teacher's eyes and saw only thought. "Are you sure you want to do this, Tristan?"

"Yeah. I think it's about time I brought them out of the closet." Tris smiled and the teacher had chuckled.

"Well, if that's who you want, that's who you'll have. Do you know what he's going to talk about?"

"He says he can do a presentation. He'll bring a slide projector."

"He's a doctor of anthropology. That means he teaches."

"At Raineir. An assistant professor."

"I'd be happy with anything he could do. Tell him I can give him 90 minutes."

"That's great, sir." Jim had taught him the rules Blair hadn't, and 'sir' 'ma'am' 'please' and 'thank you' had been stressed. It made him popular with teachers.

The lecture was great. Blair brought slides of places he'd visited, people he'd known, from Peru to Texas, talking about cultural differences, sticking to the more amusing ones. Mr.Meneer had been impressed. The other kids had been impressed. Tristan was thrilled and proud.

"You've got the best dad here." one kid said. But another had protested.

"He's not your dad. I met your dad when he chaperoned the dance last year."

"Blair's my other dad." Tris answered carefully.

"You got two dads? What, he's your stepdad?" the kid pushed.

Jon stepped in and spoke up.

"Hey, it's none of your business."

"I don't mind." Tris smiled at Jon, his best friend. "Blair's married to my dad."

There was a general chorus of "What?"s and "Oh, man."s, but it wasn't been too bad.

 

fifteen

"Dad!"

Jim groaned at the sound of his son's voice from below. Beneath him Blair quivered, struggling to get control of his labored breathing. This scene had been played out way too often in the last fourteen years or so.

"Thought you said he wasn't going to be home until morning." Blair scolded his partner breathlessly.

Jim groaned again as Blair crawled from beneath him and grabbed for a pair of shorts from the floor. Jim barely had time to cover himself with a blanket before their son bounded up the loft stairs.

They had long ago given up on keeping him downstairs all the time, but, after years of trying, he had at least learned to warn them first.

Blair collapsed on the bed with a groan that matched Jim's. He'd just returned from a six-month expedition in the Peruvian Andes, they had both been looking forward to this reunion, enough that Jim had made sure Tristan was someplace else for the night so they could cut loose.

The boy in question hopped up and stopped suddenly, looking embarrassed. Though he knew what they were to each other, he had become increasingly uncomfortable with it as he grew older.

"Hey, Tris." Blair went to give him a hug, surprised that his younger half-brother was taller than he was now. "You've grown."

"You haven't." Tristan studied him with fifteen-year-old sensibilities. "You've let your hair grow."

Blair smiled. His curly hair was down to the middle of his back now.

"A surprise for your dad." he shrugged.

"You look like a girl."

Blair stared, startled by the hostility of the tone, but answered mildly.

"No, I look like me."

Jim sat up, hearing the anger in the boy's voice and wondering.

"I thought you were staying with Scott for the night."

"I was, until Scott's dad made a crack about 'the fags across the street'." Tris shrugged. "I didn't want to hang around after that."

"You know he can't hurt us, Tris." Blair sat on the bed, leaning back slightly, unable to resist Jim's presence.

"Well, he can sure as hell hurt me." Tris shrugged. "I can go to Sarah's if you want me out of the house tonight so you can make like bunnies."

Blair stood, went and touched Tristan's shoulder.

"I know I just got back and everything, but you want to talk about it?"

"Nothing to talk about." Tristan, with his unique combination of Blair's energy and Jim's calm, managed to shrug without moving.

"Tristan." Jim rolled over and reached for his robe. They'd given up going naked in the house after that harrowing time when he was three and they were investigated for abuse. "Why don't you and Blair go down and make some tea and we can talk?"

Blair did shrug, feeling suddenly bereft. He'd been so looking forward to this night with Jim...but having Tris had been his idea originally.

"We'll try some of the new stuff I brought back." he slipped his arm over the teenager's shoulders and felt rejected when Tris pulled away, walking alone.

Downstairs at the kitchen table, Blair brewed the tea with one eye on the kid. Their relationship had always been undefined ...playmate, brother, father...Blair had been all of these things to Tris. He set the teapot and cups on the table and sat across from him, staring.

The teen was going to need to start shaving daily soon.

"You look more like me every day." he said, startled into the observation.

"It doesn't mean I'm like you in other ways." Tris wouldn't look at him as Jim came down and joined them. He gave his dad a brief hug.

"Are you mad at me for leaving?" Blair sounded worried. Jim stood behind his chair, hands on his shoulders, offering comfort. Blair leaned back against him and Jim ducked down for a quick kiss.

"Geez, can't you guys keep that in the bedroom?" Tristan sounded disgusted.

"It never bothered you before." Blair spoke slowly.

"I never realized exactly what you *do* before."

"And now you do?" Jim asked carefully. He and Blair had discussed this possibility, that Tristan would one day become angry with their lifestyle. But it had never come up before and gradually they had stopped worrying about it.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Tris stood suddenly, heading for his room. Jim reached out and stopped him with an arm on his shoulder.

"We need to talk about this. You have no right to judge us."

"I'm judged by what you do." Tris shrugged now, not looking at him, refusing to meet his eyes.

"Who's judging you?" Blair joined Jim. "Scott's dad? We're not going to live our lives according to his beliefs."

"You'd be surprised how many people agree with him." Tris said heatedly. "Girls think I'm not interested because of you. Other guys think I'm looking at them."

"Are you?" Blair knew that bisexuality was a common Sentinel trait, and it was almost guaranteed now that Tristan was a Sentinel.

"No!" Tris yelled explosively, hurting Jim's ears, making him pull away. Blair grabbed his shoulder and stood still, torn between the two of them.

"Just tell me." Tristan met his eyes and Blair saw that his blue ones, sapphire bright like Blair's own, were glaring at him. "Do you like taking it up the ass?!"

Blair rocked back on his heels as if he'd been slapped. Jim snarled.

"Tristan! Go to your room. We'll talk about this later."

Tris gave Blair a long look, seeing his brother's eyes filling with tears, and stormed off to the room that had once been Blair's, slamming the door behind him.

Jim and Blair stood for long minutes, Blair staring at the floor, Jim watching him helplessly.

Then he took a step forward and took his lover into his arms.

Blair clung to him, sobbing openly, not caring if Tris could hear him. Other people couldn't reach him with their cruelty, but Tristan...Tristan was a part of him. That was like Jim calling him a faggot.

"Shhh. There, he didn't mean it." Jim soothed.

"Yes, he did. He did." Blair gasped between sobs. "He meant it, and he's right...oh, gods, Jim...what does that make me?"

"You're the man I love." Jim kissed the top of his head tenderly. "C'mon. You're tired. Let's get some sleep."

Blair allowed himself to be led up the stairs and tucked into bed, where he cried himself to sleep in Jim's arms.

Jim heard noise downstairs. It was very late and there were no lights on, but he knew Tristan could see in the dark almost as well as he could.

He padded silently down the stairs, leaving Blair curled into a tight ball. He only slept that way when he was very upset.

Tristan was raiding the fridge in the dark, his face lit by the appliance light. He stopped and straightened when Jim sat at the table, meeting his eyes with a guilty look.

"I didn't get any dinner." he said. "Scott's dad kept saying things and I couldn't eat."

"I'm sorry he was mean to you." Jim said slowly. "But it doesn't give you the right to take it out on Blair."

Tris shrugged, sitting at the table.

"I didn't mean it, Dad. But, in a way, I did."

"Do you want to know what we do in bed?" Jim asked quietly. "It's not something I'd ever planned on discussing with you, but..."

"I'd never really thought about it before." his son sighed. "I remember walking in on you a couple of times when I was little, but I never remember seeing anything. You told me that only Blair could sleep in your bed, because you loved him."

"And I do. I always will."

"I just don't understand how he can let you...how you can..."

Jim grinned ruefully, spreading his hands flat on the tabletop.

"You probably don't want to know this, but it goes both ways, kiddo."

"You mean you -?" Tris closed his eyes, looking pained. "You're right. I could've done without that. I never imagined...I thought maybe you really wanted a girl all along but just stayed with Blair because of that Sentinel-Guide thing."

"I stay with Blair because he's Blair." Jim shrugged. "His sex isn't the deciding factor."

"But how can you? It's just...not natural."

"If your body can do it I figure it's natural." Jim allowed himself a small smile. "I've had an easier time accepting this than Blair ever has. What you said really hurt him. It's true, he does take bottom more often, but he likes it, and I like it, and it's really nobody else's business."

"Not even mine?"

"Not even yours." Jim stood. "You can talk to him in the morning."

"I will." Tris watched him go back upstairs, both of them hearing the change in Blair's breathing as he woke alone. "I love you, dad. I love him, too."

"I know." Jim's whisper was pitched to carry across the room.

Upstairs Jim took Blair back into his arms, wondering briefly if Tristan was listening in, deciding that he didn't care.

"Hey, baby." he greeted Blair as the smaller man snuggled close. "Feel better?"

"I'm sorry I lost it, Jim." Blair sighed against his chest. "I just wasn't ready for that."

"He blindsided you." Jim agreed.

"I don't think anyone's ever said anything that hurt that much."

"I know. I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you?"

Blair's hands dropped to Jim's groin, teasing.

"What did you have in mind?" he breathed. Jim rolled them over and pressed him back to the pillows.

"Let me surprise you."

Tristan sat in the dark living room, listening to the soft sounds from above. He heard Blair's muffled groans and begging whispers, and his father's crooning, loving tones as he made love to the man he loved.

He felt vaguely guilty for listening in, but he wanted to understand. His existence had come from this love, from Blair's insistence that Jim have a child and his mother's willingness to give him to them to raise.

That's who he wanted to call. Naomi had always offered good advice. Her death three years ago, from a stroke, had left a huge hole in their lives. Blair hadn't really gotten over it yet. To Tristan she had been a figure of mystery -- this woman that he knew intellectually was his mother, but who came and went in his life like a summer breeze. Once he'd been jealous, that she'd raised Blair and kept him with her, but he'd soon realized that what he had was better than what his brother had gotten. He knew his parents, both of them, and he had Blair as a bonus.

Blair had become quieter since she died. Tris had noticed it and wondered if his dad had. Knew he had, really wondered if he thought they should do anything about it. It was like Blair carried this sadness with him now.

What he'd done tonight sure hadn't helped. Blair had always been there for him, supporting him, loving him, siding with him against Jim when it was needed, correcting him, teaching him. He'd been as much parent as brother. As much a parent as Jim.

Tristan stretched, scratching his head. He'd always worn his hair short, not as short as his dad's, because he knew Jim preferred it that way. But both of them had told him that when he hit sixteen he could do whatever he wanted with it. He didn't think he'd ever wear it as long as Blair's...that had gone out of fashion ten years ago. But Blair had always maintained his own distinct style, suited only to him.

He could hear his dad and Blair. He tuned down his hearing the way Blair had taught him, not wanting to know what they were saying when they lay together. He knew they talked about him sometimes and he'd listened sometimes, but not tonight. Not after what he'd done.

He was confused by his anger. Why did it suddenly bother him so much what they did? It wasn't like a surprise to him. He knew his dad had missed Blair fiercely while he was gone, had agreed to stay the night at Scott's so they wouldn't have to worry about having him around...they'd forgotten he was there more than once as he was growing up and he'd been woken by a scream or loud moans. Blair had usually made a joke about it the next morning and made it okay.

But now he didn't want to hear it. Somehow it didn't seem right anymore. He'd heard some kids talking, one of them had referred to him as 'the butt-fuckers' son' and it had made him think more about exactly what it was they did. Somehow he'd never really considered the mechanics of it...and when he did he was disgusted.

So he'd hurt Blair's feelings and disappointed his dad, though Jim hadn't really shown it.

He would apologize to Blair and try to understand.

Someday it wouldn't matter so much, he knew that. He just didn't want to think about it. But he couldn't seem to help it.

Well, he could do something else.

Something he'd been thinking about for weeks, ever since he'd found it.

The video.

He'd picked it up by accident one night, thrown it into his VCR out of curiosity, shut it off right away when he realized it was a tape they had made years ago, of the two of them making love.

He hadn't tried to watch it since then, but maybe it would help him understand.

"Please, Big Guy, c'mon, Jim, fuck me..." Blair was pushing his ass into the air insistently while Jim teased him with mouth and hands, on his knees behind him. "Jim, *please*..." he groaned when Jim ducked to mouth his balls, his finger sinking into the smaller man's ass.

Tristan watched, unable to look away. He'd never imagined it was like *this*. He'd never imagined his Dad like *that*.

Blair was begging his dad to fuck him, they were both so hard and sweating...Tris could almost smell them.

Was it always like this for them?

Blair's scream of relief when Jim finally shoved into him made Tristan jump and he hoped they hadn't heard it upstairs, where he could hear them finishing what they were doing as quietly as they could. Blair's moans were muffled, he was using a pillow, Tris knew.

"Harder, harder, Jim, faster, fuck me..." Blair moaned onscreen. His father had his hands on Blair's hips and was pumping into him, slamming into him, lifting the smaller man's lower body off the bed.

"Yes...yes, yesyesyesyes...oh, gods, Jim...!!" Jim reached around and squeezed Blair's dick and he came, thrusting into Jim's hand with a scream that echoed off the walls, quickly followed by Jim's as he slammed into his lover's body one last time and froze, a sculpture.

Tristan couldn't tear his eyes away. Couldn't decide if it was beautiful or horrible.

Jim collapsed, rolling to his side, taking Blair with him, still attached, holding him close and nuzzling his neck, kissing him when Blair turned his head, both of them replete, exhausted.

They lay together for some time, Jim stroking Blair's hair and Blair smiling a little as their breathing slowed to normal.

Then Blair pulled away and Tris saw the look of loss on his father's face as the smaller man turned to cuddle into his arms, head on his shoulder, eyes closing as he began to drift off.

"Love you, Jim..." he muttered just before sleep took him.

Tristan watched the last fifteen minutes of the tape, which consisted entirely of his dad holding Blair while he slept, playing with his hair and watching him.

He heard the sounds from upstairs, heard Blair's whisper of love, Jim's soft words and then Blair's tears.

Tristan felt guilty.

On careful feet Tristan crept up the stairs. He didn't want to wake them...this had been a game when he was younger, sneaking up and slipping onto the foot of their bed to sleep. He hadn't done it in years, ever since he realized what 'gay' meant and how it applied to his family.

He saw Jim shift and open his eyes, then close them again as Tristan curled up at the foot of the bed, under the bedspread.

"Tris?" Jim whispered.

"I'm sorry, dad. Can I stay here tonight?"

Jim considered briefly what people would say if they knew his son was climbing into bed with his two male parents after they made love, but decided it didn't matter. He was too old to be taken from them now.

"Sure. You going to talk to Blair in the morning?"

"Yeah." Tristan was quiet, but Jim could tell he hadn't gone to sleep.

"You want to tell me something, son?" he always felt a surge of pride saying that.

"I found this tape...of you and Blair." he felt his dad tense. "I watched it. I was...trying to understand."

"Did it help?" Jim was carefully non-judgmental.

"I think so. It's not so strange...when I see how much you love each other."

"You've always seen that." Blair stirred and both of them started. He chuckled quietly. "Not often I surprise both of you."

Jim hugged him closer. He could smell sex on both of them, sweat and semen and pheromones and knew Tristan could too, but also knew that the smell didn't turn his son on the way it did him.

"It's okay, Tris. I remember being your age. It's hard, especially of you're different. I was different, and so are you, just not in the same way." Blair was always willing to forgive and forget.

"It wasn't okay." Tristan said softly."I'm really sorry, Blair. Sorry I said that, and sorry I watched the tape."

Both Sentinels could feel the heat as Blair blushed.

"Well, I guess there's no use denying it." Blair shrugged in Jim's arms. "I love what your father does to me. I hope you find someone you love that much someday, someone who will make you feel like he makes me."

"Or like you make me." Jim whispered.

"I'm gonna stay at Sarah's tomorrow night." Tristan announced in the dark. "You guys need some time alone.

"That's sweet." Blair said in his 'aww, isn't that cute voice'.

"We'll talk about it in the morning." Jim said."Now go to sleep, Sandburg - both of you."

"G'night, dad." Tristan curled into a ball - unlike Blair, he always slept like that, and soon his even breathing proved he was sleeping. Jim took a chance and kissed Blair tenderly, tasting the traces of dried tears on his cheeks. Blair kissed him back, giving him all the love he had to give.

                            saraid@wf.net